


I’ll Be There For You (When The Rain Starts To Pour)

by isacabral



Series: in another life you must have been mine [11]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: (for me), F/F, the ultimate friends AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isacabral/pseuds/isacabral
Summary: When Chloe Beale left her fiancée at the altar, running away from the life she didn’t want, she didn’t know what to do. So she did the only thing she could think of: she went looking for old friends.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Series: in another life you must have been mine [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/982203
Comments: 169
Kudos: 253





	1. The One Where It All Began

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so. This. I'm posting it as a complete one-shot because maybe that's all I'll ever be comfortable posting. But maybe there's more to come. Who knows?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca's life turns upside down when someone from her past makes a sudden return to her life.

Beca liked her life. She did, despite her broody attitude.

She got to live at an awesome apartment for a freaking steal — thank you, grandma! — with her best friends right across the hall and/or across the street; she had a steady job at a quaint record label where she was paying her dues _and_ there was a coffee shop less than a hundred steps from her place (Fat Amy counted).

Life as a 20-something bachelorette was good. It couldn’t get any better than that.

Or at least that’s what she thought.

//

They were all hanging out at the Topped Off trying to cheer Stacie up from the recent resolution of her five-year-long marriage when it happened.

“I'll be fine, alright?” her sister said, her gloomy demeanor not really helping her case. “Really, guys. I hope he’ll be very happy.”

“Well, I don’t.” Beca snarled. “Come on, Stace, he was an asshole! You _can_ be angry, you know?”

“I’m not angry, Bee, I’m just… grievous.”

“Alright giraffe legs, look,” Fat Amy said with her boisterous attitude. “You’re feeling a lot of pain right now. You’re angry. You’re hurting. Can I tell you what the solution is?”

Everyone stared at her, waiting for an answer.

“Nightclub!” she said as if it should have been obvious. “Come on, Shawshank here can get us anywhere, right? She’ll DJ, we’ll have some fun, get slutty on the dance floor… Let’s be single!”

“But I don’t wanna be single,” Stacie pouted, and, not for the first time, Beca noticed how much her half-sister had lost herself in her marriage. “I just— I just wanna be married again.”

Just as she said it, the door to the coffee shop opened, in entering a scattered looking redhead in a wet wedding dress.

“And I just want a million dollars!” Cynthia-Rose exclaimed, extending her hands hopefully.

Beca squinted her eyes, looking over at the new arrival. It couldn’t be… “Chloe? Chloe Beale?”

“Oh, my God, Beca, you’re here!” Chloe turned around, hugging Beca fiercely as the brunette approached her cautiously. “I can’t believe you’re here, oh God.”

“Uh…” Beca said awkwardly, her voice strained with the force of the hug. “You’re kinda suffocating me here, dude.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“Can I get you some coffee?” Jessica (or Ashley, Beca could never tell), one of their regular waitresses at the shop, asked, looking over at Beca in sympathy.

“Uh, tea actually,” Beca answered for Chloe, nodding at the waitress before turning back to her friend. “Everybody, this is Chloe, another Barden High survivor. This is everybody,” she pointed at each of them. “Cynthia-Rose, Fat Amy, Emily. And you remember my sister, Stacie.”

Chloe waved them all with a tight-lipped smile. Emily moved, making room so she could sit as everyone else looked at her, waiting for an explanation.

“So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?” Beca asked sarcastically after a few moments of silence.

As Chloe launched into an explanation of what had happened, Beca had no idea how much her life was about to change.

//

“Well, maybe I’ll just stay here with Beca,” Chloe said on the phone with her father and Beca felt her spine go rigid.

Everyone looked at her skeptically.

“Well, I guess we’ve established who’s staying here with Beca,” she smiled awkwardly, causing Stacie to snort.

It wasn’t like Chloe would be staying with her long term, no way. Beca was just giving her a temporary shelter so she didn’t have to go back home in a two-hour bus ride or back to the hotel where the reception was being held, given the fact that she had just walked out on a million-dollar wedding and everyone was pissed at her.

That was it.

And, yes, they’d been sort of friendly with each other in high school — as friendly as the co-captain of the cheerleader squad and the alt-drummer band girl could be, anyway — but it was _ages_ ago and they had grown apart.

_Way_ apart.

(Not so apart that Beca hadn’t been invited to the wedding, but they were estranged enough that she could politely decline and not have to squeeze herself into a dress or waste her hard-earned money on an expensive gift).

But Beca also wasn’t the kind of person to _not_ shelter a person who clearly needed, no matter how apart they were.

Beca knew what Stacie was smirking about though; she had been first-hand witness to Beca’s idiotic crush on Chloe throughout their whole high school experience.

Things were different now. Beca was a grown woman, in charge of her own life and actually happy with it. She was no longer the angsty teenager who was awestruck by the ray of sunshine that was Chloe Beale.

And she was gonna prove it to Stacie.

//

“Just breathe, breathe.. that’s it. Just try to think of… uh, nice things?” Beca was aware of her own awkwardness as she patted Chloe on the shoulder, who was having a panic attack breathing inside a paper bag.

Emily, trying to help, started humming what Beca believed was a lullaby. She had heard the girl hum it to herself sometimes. It was sort of cute. She made a mental note to ask her about it.

Beca was also grateful when she noticed the song did seem to calm Chloe a little bit.

Stacie kept smirking at her over the bag of chips she was currently eating and Beca wanted to hit her in the face with it, but she couldn’t because she was comforting Chloe.

The same Chloe who had just been cut off her family money by her own father.

“Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y’know? Independence. Taking control of your life. That whole thing,” she said after Chloe started breathing outside the bag.

“I purposely failed Russian Lit three times because I had no idea what to do with my life, Beca,” Chloe’s voice sounded strained. “Does that sound like someone who’s in control of anything?”

Beca held her grimace. It would be no help right now. Cynthia-Rose used her silence to jump in with her own solution.

“If you ever need anything, you can always come to my apartment. Amy and I live across the hall... And she’s away a lot,” she winked at her.

  
  
“Cynthia-Rose, stop hitting on her! It’s her wedding day!”

  
  
“What, like there’s a rule or something?” she threw her hands up in the air in defeat and Beca was ready to launch into a series of reasons why she was being inappropriate when Chloe snorted out a tiny laugh.

She didn’t look as bad as before anymore and it was enough for Beca. For now.

She still felt like she’d have to lay down some ground rules for CR. Again.

The door buzzer rang and Fat Amy went to get it.

  
  
“Please don’t do that again, it’s a horrible sound,” she said in lieu of a regular greeting.

Beca had to roll her eyes; it seemed like she’d need to have a talk with _all_ of her friends. Again.

“Hey Ames, ring me up.”

It was Jesse. Beca groaned. She so didn’t want to deal with him right now. Stacie, apparently noticing she had reached her limit, came to her aid.

“I'll take them back to my place, to help me set up my new furniture,” she winked when Beca shot her a relieved look. “Will you guys be okay?”

“Sure,” she shrugged, looking over to where Chloe was smiling sweetly at Emily’s rambling. “We’ll be okay.”

//

After lending Chloe some of her clothes so she could take a shower and get out of her wedding dress, she and Beca found themselves sitting on the couch, sharing a bowl of popcorn — fucking Jesse had gotten her hooked up on it — and a bottle of wine, a rerun of Cheers on the background for some ambient noise.

“Welcome to the real world!” Beca toasted as Chloe got settled next to her, her own wine glass in hand. “It sucks. You’re gonna love it!”

Chloe laughed, taking a sip, and Beca noticed how much more disheartened she actually looked. It wasn’t right. Beca had always seen Chloe like a force of nature — she was pretty, she was smart and she was an actually decent human being to everyone.

Beca distinctly remembered feeling like Chloe would take over the world by the storm after they were done with high school. So this person sitting next to her on her couch was completely foreign to her; like a hollow shell of what Chloe Beale used to be.

“Are you okay?” Beca asked after they stayed silent for a while.

“I just…” Chloe sighed, rubbing her face in a sign of frustration. “I have no idea who I am right now, you know? Everyone seems to have their lives figured out by the time they’re twenty-seven and I just… don’t? I don’t know.”

“To be fair, you seemed to have it all figured out by high school and all of us were just scrambling to catch up," Beca gave her a small smile, trying to make her feel better.

“Things were easier back then,” Chloe smiled humorlessly. “I guess I just… got scared at some point in my life? Afraid to go out and face the world for what it actually is. I stayed in college three extra semesters because of it!” she took a big swig of her wine. “I didn’t experiment. I didn’t take on all the big adventures people always talked about. I never ventured outside my bubble.”

“Well…” Beca drawled out, finishing off her own wine. “You have all the time in the world now. The world is your oyster! Make lemonade!” she winced as Chloe giggled at her. “You know what I mean. And… y’know,” she shrugged. “You can count on me. Or whatever.”

Chloe gave her a sweet smile, causing Beca to flush a little. She blamed her quickly-consumed wine.

“Thanks, Beca. It means a lot,” Chloe sighed and turned her attention to the TV, grabbing a handful of popcorn from Beca’s lap.

They could do this.

//

Beca’s phone buzzed incessantly as she finished tweaking the latest track she was working on. It was kind of annoying, but she was doing her best to ignore it.

Jesse looked over at her, irritated. “Will you just—?” he gestured wildly at her phone.

It was Beca’s turn to sigh. “It's probably just Stacie being annoying.”

Narrowing his eyes at her, Jesse surreptitiously grabbed her phone. “Who’s Chloe?”

“Hey!”

“Oh, is this your new roommate Chloe? The one you were secretly in love with in high school?” Jesse grinned madly. “Do you still love her? When do I get to meet her?”

“Dude!” Beca screeched, trying to get her phone back. “You’re so fucking nosy!”

**Chloe (8:12AM)** _Omw to my folks to grab my things. Wish me luck! xxx_

**Chloe (10:10AM)** _They’re not here (thankfully). Chester says hi! (image attached)_

**Chloe (10:12AM)** _My mom made pancakes and left them on the counter, I love her_

**Chloe (10:17AM)** _Omg, the presents are here. I forgot about them!_

**Chloe (10:23AM)** _I don’t see a present from you, Becs, and now I’m hurt :(_

**Chloe (10:42AM)** _Do we need a new coffee maker? (image attached)_

Beca finally succeeded in punching Jesse on the arm hard enough for him to drop her phone and stop reading her texts out loud. She glanced over at her phone, smiling at the picture of Chloe’s old beagle — she remembered him from when he was just a tiny little pup — and typed out her response:

**Beca (11:03AM)** _Dude, that’s a Moccamaster. Even if we weren’t needing a new coffee machine, I’d still want it. (Say hi to Chester for me)._

**Chloe (11:11AM)** _Gotcha ;) (image attached)_

Beca snorted out a laugh when she opened Chloe’s text to see her rucksack with a very obvious square shape. She completely missed the scrutinizing look Jesse was giving her. She didn’t miss, however, his obnoxious cough to try and get her attention.

“Yes?” she asked, fixing him with her most withering stare, pocketing her phone.

“Nothing,” he shrugged, but she knew his smirk meant _something_ was up.

It didn’t mean she cared, though.

//

When Beca got home, she could see a couple of things were slightly different. She had been living at her apartment for five years now and she knew the brand-new coffeemaker and the slow cooker shining on her kitchen counter weren’t hers; nor was the purple blanket draped over her black leather loveseat sofa.

She walked into her bathroom only to find a plush green robe next to her red towel, a bathtub caddy draped over her bathtub, and a bottle of lavender liquid soap next to her mint shampoo.

But the most different thing and the one she would probably take the longest to get used to was the image of Chloe Beale wearing a ratty-looking green Barden shirt and grey sweatpants, dishing out some take-out Thai food at her kitchen table.

“You’re home!” Chloe smiled at her. “Just in time. Food’s just got in.”

“Uh…” Beca blew out an awkward laugh, a little overwhelmed from all the changes. “What’s all this?”

“This is…” Chloe dished out the last container with a flourish, throwing the box away. “A Thank You dinner for, you know. You. To say thanks.”

“You’re welcome?” Beca shrugged, still awkward from being in the spotlight. “You really didn’t have to, Chloe.”

“I know.” Chloe smiled softly at her, causing an eruption of butterflies in her stomach that caught Beca off guard. “But I wanted to. What you’re doing… means a lot to me, Beca.”

Beca’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment, which she tried to cover by scratching her nose.

“And,” Chloe proceeded, thankfully choosing not to comment on it, “I stole this really expensive bottle of champagne someone sent me as a wedding present. Wanna get drunk?”

Beca’s laughter was a little more natural this time.

“Hell yeah, dude.”

//

“I meant it, y’know,” Chloe slurred out, turning to look at Beca.

After dinner, they had moved to the couch, bringing the champagne bottle with them — but forgoing glasses — and ended up settling the TV on a channel showcasing old Scooby-Doo episodes. Beca _loved_ them and sang along to the opening tune without a fail. As her drunkenness progressed, she also started to yell along Shaggy’s iconic line.

It made Chloe laugh every time. So, naturally, Beca did it louder each time.

“What?” she asked, turning to look at Chloe too.

Which was clearly a mistake because her eyes were insanely blue, taking Beca’s breath away.

“I’m very thankful,” Chloe grinned sloppily. “For you.”

She booped Beca’s nose, giggling, and settling her head on Beca’s shoulder as she turned to look back at the TV.

Beca blew out a deep breath, trying to reign in the array of feelings running through her tipsy body.

“I’m very thankful for you too, nerd.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	2. The One With The Surprising Turn Of Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i caved. gonna try to continue this. let's get this show on the road, shall we?
> 
> this chapter is anonymous chinchilla approved [it just means my beta actually read it over and helped me]

Beca and Chloe had been living together for a whole month and things looked pretty okay from Beca’s point of view. Chloe had gotten a job at a temp agency a couple of blocks away from the apartment and was currently helping out at a vet clinic nearby Beca’s work.

They formed a routine.

“You guys are so domesticated,” Stacie commented one weekend when she came over for breakfast and saw how Chloe knew exactly how Beca liked her coffee. “It’s disgusting.”

“Shut up,” Beca grumbled, taking a long sip of the warm coffee, avoiding Stacie’s searching gaze.

“I think it’s adorable,” Emily piped in, having come over for breakfast too. “Chloe is such a good roommate!”

“Thanks, Em,” Chloe gave her a crinkly-eye smile. “What are you guys up to today?”

“Beca’s gonna sneak me into the studio so we can work on my demo,” Emily replied with a gleeful smile.

“I don’t think it really counts as a sneaky adventure when you’re allowed to do it, Emily,” Stacie noted sarcastically and Beca frowned; it was weird. Usually, she was the snarky one. “You’re expected to, even.”

Emily just shrugged, taking a bite of her bagel.

“Which reminds me, Legacy,” Beca interrupted them. “We gotta go. You done?”

“Oh, I can swing by with lunch after I’m done with my shift! Is 1:00 okay?” Chloe asked, finishing off her coffee and getting up.

“Yeah, sure.” Beca agreed, finishing up hers too. “Can we have those really great chicken sandwiches from last week? They were awesome.”

“Sure.”

“Married,” Stacie coughed, smirking when Beca smacked her on the head. “Well, don’t mind me, I’m staying here. But I wouldn’t mind one of those ‘really great’ chicken sandwiches.”

Chloe laughed as they walked out the door together.

So what if they had a routine? That only meant they were on their way to becoming friends again. Good friends. Reconnecting. _Not_ that Beca was rekindling her dormant feelings for Chloe. No matter what the Stacie-like voice in her head kept saying.

No way.

//

“Did Stacie seem weird to you, this morning?” Beca asked around a mouthful of her sandwich.

“No, why?” Chloe replied, taking a sip of her iced tea.

They were hanging at Sterling Sound, finishing up their lunch. 

“Dunno,” Beca said, finally swallowing. “Weird.”

Chloe gave her a blank stare.

“Nevermind,” Beca rolled her eyes, turning her focus back to the song she had been replaying for the last twenty minutes, trying to tweak it to perfection.

She still wasn’t happy with it.

“Why is she singing so low?” Chloe asked, looking over at Beca’s work.

She was completely invading Beca’s personal space and it was a bit unsettling; just like it had been in high school.

Beca couldn’t help but notice how nice the sweet smell of her lavender body lotion was. It was mixed with Beca’s mint shampoo that Chloe had borrowed that morning and the faintest smell of antiseptic from the vet clinic.

“What?” Beca asked dumbly.

“Emily. Why is she singing so low?” Chloe pressed on. “I know she’s a soprano, but like, can’t she hit a high C? If she can, why keep her on the lower notes? If she sings louder, you can give the chorus a higher note, it’ll make the track dancier. It fits the lyrics better, I think.”

Beca looked at Chloe dumbfounded, this time by the string of actually useful information coming out of her mouth, not her perfume. Where had _that_ come from?

“What?” Chloe asked, a tinge of color gracing her cheeks and if Beca hadn’t been so astonished at her amazingly great advice, she may have registered how cute it was.

“How… how do you know all of this?” Beca swallowed hard, her throat was suddenly very dry.

“Oh,” Chloe smiled sheepishly. “I have a minor BME degree.”

_Uh-oh_.

Warning bells rang loudly in Beca’s ears; a woman who loved music as much as she did was a _major_ turn on. This had trouble written all over it.

Just like it had been in high school. More, even.

(Because back then Beca would never, ever act on those feelings. She was too insecure about who she was and her place in the world to ruin one of the few good things she had going. Nowadays, she’s not so sure she’s unwilling to take the risk).

Beca couldn’t be given time to overthink this, lingering over these feelings, because certainly, it would make her act stupidly, even more than usual. She was rescued by Emily’s clumsy return.

“Legacy!” she yelled, causing Emily to stop in her tracks, eyes wide. “Back to the booth!”

Emily gave her a mock-salute and threw the rest of her green tea away, running back in, causing Chloe to giggle. Beca placed her headphones forcefully over her head and started bossing Emily around, trying to shake off this weird urge that almost overcame her.

The weird urge to kiss Chloe.

//

Ever since Chloe moved in with her, Beca had come to expect unusual scenes greeting her whenever she got back from work; there were always leftovers when she got home late, the morning dishes never piled up the way they used to (or after Fat Amy and CR snuck into her apartment after she was gone to eat her food) and the hallway light was always on, making it easier for her to see whenever she woke up at night to go to the bathroom.

Her constantly bruised thigh was especially grateful for the last one.

Today, though, had to be the weirdest scene of all; Beca came back home with Emily to find a half-eaten sandwich on the kitchen table, a glass of cranberry juice fallen to the ground, its content spilled all over the floor and retching sounds coming from the toilet.

Something was definitely off.

“Chloe?” Beca called as she and Emily rushed to the bathroom.

But it wasn’t Chloe who was pouring the contents of her stomach in the toilet. It was Stacie. Beca thought that was even more worrisome.

“What the—?”

She got interrupted by Stacie retching again and decided it was best if she and Emily left the bathroom; Chloe was already there, holding Stacie’s hair back and stroking her back. More people would just crowd them.

To help instead, Beca grabbed a can of ginger ale and saltines. It was what Stacie’s mom always gave to her when she was sick. Emily was quick to grab a mop and help her clean up the mess on the floor.

“Is everything okay?” she asked quietly when they exited the bathroom.

“The sandwich made her sick,” Chloe shot her an apologetic look, helping Stacie to sit. “Sorry for the mess.”

“It wasn’t really the sandwich,” Stacie groaned softly, reaching for the ginger ale.

Beca _knew_ Stacie wasn’t alright and she blamed herself for not doing anything sooner. She couldn’t care less about the broken glass or the spilled juice.

“What was it, then?” Emily asked, breaking the saltines and handing them to Stacie.

When she didn’t answer, Beca felt something dreadful settle in her stomach. It couldn’t be anything good if Stacie was so hesitant to say something.

“I’m pregnant.”

//

“I told you she seemed weird this morning,” Beca hissed to Chloe in the kitchen, where they were preparing dinner.

Stacie was taking a nap in Beca’s room while Emily played the song she was working on for Amy and Cynthia-Rose out on the terrace. Beca wasn’t allowed to listen to it yet.

“How could I not know?” Beca blamed herself.

“We’ve been so busy, Beca, how could you have possibly known?” Chloe tried to assuage her. “Stacie herself said she wasn't sure about it until today.”

“No, it just…” Beca sighed. “I _should_ have known.”

She felt extremely guilty about only finding out now. Stacie had always been there for her; while she worked through her teenage angst amidst her parents’ divorce, constant fights with her dad about not going to college and pursuing a music career instead. She even opted for Columbia and not MIT like she had originally planned so she could move in with Beca when she first moved to NYC.

And now… Beca had been so preoccupied with Chloe, Emily, and everything else going on in her life that she had neglected her sister when she clearly needed someone.

“These things are pretty hard to notice in the beginning, Becs,” Chloe tried to ease her worry as she chopped the carrots for Stacie’s soup. “And you know Stacie better than anyone, you know she needs some time to process things herself before doing anything.”

Beca only sulked. That didn’t soothe or relieve her guilt.

“You think she’s gonna tell the father?” Chloe asked, stirring the soup occasionally.

Beca placed the plates on the table, sighing heavily. “I don’t know,” she said. “George never seemed super interested in having a family.”

“You think that’s gonna stop her from having the baby?” the dreadful feeling in Beca’s stomach worsened.

“I really don’t know.”

//

Once they were done with dinner, Beca forced Amy and Cynthia-Rose to help out with the dishes while Chloe whisked Emily away to the balcony so Beca could have a semi-private conversation with Stacie.

She had some serious groveling to do.

“Can I get you anything? More soup? Ginger ale? Tea?” Beca asked, fluffing the pillows for Stacie to sit.

Stacie looked at her with an amused expression on her face.

“What is up with you?” she inquired after Beca finally let her sit.

“Nothing,” Beca squeaked. “What are we watching? Project Runway? Keeping Up With the Kardashians?”

Stacie narrowed her eyes at her. “You hate those shows.”

“What? No, I don’t,” Beca tried to dismiss her, holding in her grimace because it was true; she absolutely hated those shows.

“Yes, you do,” Stacie continued to regard her suspiciously. “Oh, my God, are you feeling guilty about something?”

Beca opened her mouth, ready to retort, but she knew better than that; her half-sister would see right through her — just like she always had — so she deflated her shoulders and flopped on the couch next to Stacie.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I’m so sorry Stace.”

“What for?”

“What do you mean, ‘what for’?” Beca was exasperated. “For not being there for you! For being a terrible sister!” she started gathering steam, glad that her friends were all on the balcony now, not risking a chance of getting overhead. “I should have been there for your divorce, for this pregnancy, for everything, dude! Not getting myself sidetracked by beautiful redheads who know a lot about music. Did you know about this? Did you know Chloe has a minor in music, Stacie? Because I didn’t!” she had reached a decibel only heard by dogs and she knew it.

“And now I’m so screwed because you were right, my feelings for her are back now, like, _tenfold_ and it’s so fucking distracting! So distracting it’s making me a bad sister and… and…” Beca sighed again, suddenly feeling very tired. “I’m just sorry, okay?”

Stacie simply looked bewildered at her.

“Wow,” she laughed. “We have a lot to work on with you.”

Beca rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in a defensive manner.

“First of all, dumbass, are you kidding me?” Stacie ignored her protest yelp in favor to keep going. “You have _always_ been there for me. For everybody, really. Yeah,” she emphasized when Beca only looked skeptically at her. “You’ve always been there for everyone, it’s who you are. Why do you think all of us hang out here?”

“Because I have the biggest apartment?” Beca just shrugged petulantly.

“Not only that,” Stacie shoved her, rolling her own eyes. “You take care of us, you always have. You make sure CR doesn’t fall off the wagon with her gambling. You’re helping Emily with her music career. I’m pretty sure you’re the only reason Amy has never been arrested,” they both laughed. “You let me crash on your couch when going home is just too much for me, no questions asked. You got Jesse a job at your workplace when he was struggling to find something. You’re helping Chloe get back on her feet.”

“You’re the glue that holds our dysfunctional little group together, little one, and that has _not_ changed because you’ve been a bit preoccupied lately.”

There was a beat of silence while Beca tried to compose herself, not wanting Stacie to know how emotional her little speech made her.

“You’re not just saying that?” she finally asked, frowning when she noticed how choked up she still sounded.

“I’m not,” Stacie smiled, pulling her in for a hug. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Bee.”

“Okay,” Beca sighed, finally letting some tension off her shoulders.

“And I don’t need all of this pretending to care about my favorite shows, attending to my every whim act from you. I never did. What I really need from you right now is to know that, no matter what, my baby will have _you_ in their life. This protective force that will make them feel loved and cared for no matter what.” Beca's felt her eyes glisten with unshed tears again. “Will they?”

“Dude, of course,” she choked out.

There was _no way in hell_ Beca wouldn’t be there.

They stayed like that for a while, Beca not wriggling out of the embrace like she usually did. She allowed herself to be comforted every now and then and she knew Stacie would appreciate the opportunity.

When she got up to go to bed, however, the sparkle in Stacie’s eyes let her know she wouldn’t get out being teased, no matter how nice they were playing.

“And your giant boner for Chloe, by the way? Totally called it,” she wriggled her eyebrows in such a ludicrous way it made Beca blush and groan. “Jesse owes me twenty bucks now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	3. The One Where They Tell The Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stacie's second trimester means Beca has to deal with unwanted visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this post comes to you with an anonymous sheep seal of approval (thank you google docs for a series of new nicknames i can call my beta now).
> 
> let's get this story moving, shall we?

Against all of Beca’s pessimistic expectations, life stabilized over the next three months. The demo album she was working on with Emily was slowly but steadily moving forward — with Chloe’s helpful input — who had switched jobs and was now temping at a bakery a couple of blocks from the apartment — Beca had come home to the smell of sweet, buttery baked goods more than once and she absolutely loved it — and Stacie’s pregnancy had finally hit its second trimester safely.

Which meant one very important thing.

“Your mom called,” Beca said to the unmoving lump on her couch, poking it and rousing a groan out of it. “They’re coming this weekend.”

“Why?" Stacie whined, slowly starting to get up when Beca rounded up the couch with a Chinese takeout in hand.

“Because we called them?” Beca sounded confused. “Aren’t you supposed to tell them about… you know?” she gestured to the barely-there bump Stacie was carrying. “Your troubling situation?”

To Beca, those were news important enough to endure a parental visit. And this one would be particularly stress-inducing because, adding to the news about Stacie’s unexpected pregnancy, there was the fact that their parents had never visited Beca’s apartment in NYC. Which probably meant every little detail about her life could become the reason for a fight or an ill-intended comment — it would be like high school all over again.

And that wasn’t a time Beca was too eager to relive — Chloe’s presence in her life notwithstanding.

“I guess,” Stacie sighed heavily, reaching for the box of lo mien eagerly. “I just don’t wanna make a big deal out of it.”

“Dude,” Beca laughed, opening her fried rice. “This is _not_ like us trying to get out of telling them we were bi in high school,” which they had, by the way. Especially Beca. But Stacie eventually talked her into it and they ended up coming out together. “This is, like, a baby.”

“I know, Beca,” Stacie rolled her eyes at her.

Beca paused for a moment, taking in Stacie’s reaction, fork halfway to her mouth, a terrifying epiphany crossing her mind.

“You _would_ have told them if you had gotten pregnant in high school, right? Or at least me. Y—you wouldn’t have faked an internship abroad to go have your baby and then give it up for adoption, right? Right?!” she knew she sounded a little frantic but she couldn’t care less. “Because I swear to God, Stacie…”

“Oh, my God, shut up,” Stacie laughed, throwing an unopened fortune cookie in her face. “Don’t unleash your crazy yet. Wait ‘til your dad gets here.”

Beca flipped her off, shoving rice down her throat, pouting, in lieu of an answer.

Stacie was right though. Beca had never had the easiest relationship with her father. Not when he divorced her mother, or when she _finally_ came out as bi in high school — she knew he had only handled it somewhat gracefully because of Stacie and her mom and Beca would forever be grateful to them for that — or when she told him she was bowing out of a college education to pursue a career in the music industry instead.

He had never outright said anything but his stone-cold facade and distant demeanor were enough to twist Beca’s inside in the most unpleasant of ways. She could only imagine what he would say now that she had found a steady job doing what she loved — consequently, something he had _never_ approved of — but she was sure it’d be something passive-aggressive. Beca was also certain he would somehow be able to twist Stacie’s pregnancy to make it _her_ fault the fact her sister was having a baby out of wedlock, ruining the family’s reputation or whatever.

But that was fine. Beca could handle that, just like she always had. She only wanted to avoid him saying something wry and negative about the baby or Stacie or Chloe.

Oh, God, _Chloe_.

What would her cynical, harsh father say about the fact that Beca was now living with the hooligan daughter of his best golf partner? The same daughter who ran out of her own wedding with the heir of a quarter of Manhattan’s real estate, causing an uproar amongst the socialites and probably disgracing her family name forever?

(It wasn’t something Chloe had ever talked about but Beca had spent the better part of her teen years amidst those people and knew what they were capable of doing, coming up with the most horrid, delusional scenario for everything that was considered out of the norm for them).

It was a recipe for disaster, Beca was sure of it. A recipe she wasn’t too delighted to see the outcome from.

“You went to your crazy place, didn’t you?” Stacie asked after Beca didn't continue eating.

“Fuck off.” Beca scowled, throwing an unopened fortune cookie in her direction.

//

The thing was, Beca hadn’t seen or really spoken to her dad over the last five years. Ever since she had told him she was moving to New York to try and break into the music industry — which she did as soon as she graduated from high school — she has been living in her grandmother’s apartment from her mother’s side — and her mother was the only one who ever bothered to visit — so every holiday she got some time off she went up to Portland to be with her mother, a much more supportive and loving parent than her father ever was.

“Do you want me to not be here when he visits?” Chloe asked when Beca relayed the news about her father’s upcoming arrival.

“Dude, no,” Beca scowled at her. “This is your apartment too now, I’d never ask you to do that.”

Chloe smiled gratefully at her, jiggling a towel through her wet hair in order to dry it. “That’s very sweet, Becs, but his visit is stressing you out and I don’t want to add to it.”

“You don’t add to my stress,” Beca replied quickly.

_Too_ quickly.

She had to physically bite her tongue to avoid saying too much. Because all Chloe ever did was bring her a sense of peace Beca had never quite experienced with another human being before. Being around Chloe felt like coming up from underwater to breathe a much-needed lungful of fresh air, unwinding from a difficult day at work with a warm bubble bath and a bottle of beer or like when the bass dropped right before a break in a song — that thrilling sensation of knowing something amazing was about to be revealed and the excitement, the _anticipation_.

Sometimes all of it together.

Chloe felt like _home_ and Beca would have to be clinically insane to deny herself the sort of comfort she unconsciously provided.

“You just said he might freak out seeing me here,” Chloe tried one more time, eyeing Beca cautiously. “Seriously, Bec, I don’t mind.”

This time, though, Beca was prepared and just rolled her eyes at Chloe. “If my dad can’t handle me sharing _my_ apartment with _my_ best friend, then he can go suck it.”

There was a beat of silence before Chloe’s grin broke out, thrilled, and Beca realized what she had said to rouse such a reaction.

“I’m your best friend?” Chloe asked, a hand over her heart and unshed tears glistening in her eyes.

Beca felt the tip of her ears burning, but there was no backing out this time — not that she would have had the heart to do it anyway, after Chloe’s smile — so she replied softly:

“One of them, yeah.”

//

The day of the dreaded visit arrived sooner than Beca was prepared for — not that she thought she would ever be prepared for it. Yet, there she was, scrubbing furiously and fruitlessly at the counter where Chloe was preparing some appetizers. She had already told Beca to stop several times and had apparently given up, letting Beca work off her nerves.

The intercom buzzed with its loud, shrill ring, startling Beca out of her jittery thoughts.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Stacie asked one last time, eyeing Beca gingerly.

Squaring her shoulders to brace herself, Beca looked over at Chloe, who was humming as she stirred a pot on the stove, and released a deep sigh.

“Let’s do this,” she nodded, moving to open the door.

Soon enough, Elizabeth and Warren were entering Beca’s apartment for the first time since she moved in and she couldn't keep herself from bouncing her leg nervously.

“Hey Dad, Elizabeth,” she greeted them with an attempt of a smile that she knew made her look like she was constipated. “Come in.”

“Am I ever going to get you to call me Liz, honey?” Stacie’s mom wondered with a smile, squeezing Beca's shoulder affectionately but nothing else.

She had always been aware of Beca’s personal space limit and respected it, making her easily one of Beca's favorite people to be around.

“Prolly not,” her answering smile was more relaxed and genuine so Elizabeth moved on to greet Chloe.

When she moved, Beca was finally able to take in her dad’s full figure. He looked older than she remembered, his fading brown hair interspersed with more grays than ever, and the lines around his eyes — the same dark, blue ones Beca had — were deeper, accentuated by his thin, silver-framed glasses.

He looked the same and yet Beca noticed something different. As if he didn’t look as tall as she remembered. She couldn’t quite place exactly what it was.

“Hey Bec,” his grave voice said, softer than she could ever remember it sounding. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, dad,” she answered, still regarding him suspiciously, not making a move to physically greet him. “You’re allowed to come in too, y’know,” she added when he remained rooted to the spot just like her.

“Thank you,” he said with a small smile, crossing the threshold and looking around politely. “You did a lovely job with the apartment.”

Beca frowned, trying to understand if the comment was meant as a dig or not. She couldn’t detect any of his usual disdain — then again she was out of practice — so she settled on a neutral albeit slightly harsh response.

“Thanks,” she said flatly. “It was mostly Chloe’s doing, though. She said it looked too much like a bat cave.”

Her dad laughed, causing Beca to look at him, _really_ look at him again, bewildered. This low-key but genuine snort wasn’t something she ever thought she had heard from him.

“Hey, Doc,” Chloe greeted him, wiping her hands on the apron she was wearing. “Good to see you.”

“Chloe,” Warren greeted her warmly, and if Beca didn’t see it with her own two eyes, she would have probably thought her dad had been replaced with a pot person.

She still wasn’t sure he hadn’t been.

“Your mom asked me to remind you to call her,” he said and Beca smirked when Chloe rolled her eyes.

A habit she obviously had picked up from Beca.

“I talked to her on Thursday!” Chloe exclaimed indignantly.

Warren just shrugged with a small smile on his face and went to sit beside his wife, who had taken the loveseat near the TV. Beca and Chloe exchanged looks, Beca’s more surprised than Chloe’s, and then Chloe shoved a small plate with hummus and pita chips for Beca to bring with her while the sauce she was working on simmered.

She was having trouble adjusting the father she had back in her high school years with the one sitting in her living room now.

“Everything smells delicious, Chloe,” Elizabeth said easily when they all settled around the center table. “But where is your sister hiding, Beca?” she asked. “She told me she had news, she sounded so serious.”

“I _am_ serious, mom,” Stacie’s voice said behind them, coming out of the bathroom. She was drying her hands on a towel and her shirt had ridden up, revealing her bump. “Mom, Doc. I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	4. The One With Beca's Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe helps Beca realize that she needs to have a talk with her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there fellow quarantiners! the levels of angst on this one are higher bc, according to anonymous skunk/grizly, "i wanna make them cry." so enjoy (:(:(:(:(:
> 
> ps.: someone talked about how beca was supposed to be monica and if i would make the parents act the way monica's parents did on the show. well, first and foremost, despite the fact that this is a friends au, i'm trying to make it more pitch perfect than friends. and secondly, everybody deserves a good parent. so catch me making beca's dad make amends with her in every single fic i write. :) lmao

Beca didn't really know what she expected from their parents following Stacie's pregnancy announcement. She expected Elizabeth to cry, sure. For her to immediately start offering advice and a long list of things Stacie would need, yeah. For her to start planning a baby shower right away? Very on brand for her dad's wife.

What was ticking Beca was actually how her _father_ was reacting to the news. She expected him to be polite, of course, because Warren Mitchell was nothing if not proper and dignified. But she had also braced herself — and consequently Stacie and Chloe — for off-handed, vaguely offensive questions. Questions about the father, about Stacie's ability to be a single mother. She wouldn't have been surprised if he dared ask if Stacie was planning to keep the baby.

Instead she saw a man who looked genuinely happy to become a grandfather, no questions asked. He was surprised at first, sure — so was Stacie’s mom — but once the shock had worn off, Warren’s face cracked into a broad smile and he joined Elizabeth’s hug with Stacie, congratulating her and being nothing but… supportive.

Sincerely and earnestly happy from what Beca could tell.

She knew she should be happy for her sister. And she was.

But the hot sting of betrayal coiled around her insides at the scene too. Hurt by the fact that her own father, the man who swore he would do anything to guarantee Beca’s happiness when she was born, could be so supportive of someone else’s child but not his own. Hurt by the fact that, apparently, her father _could_ be attentive and caring but Beca didn’t matter enough to elicit this kind of behavior from him. She wasn’t worth it.

And Beca knew that whatever she was feeling didn’t matter, not really, that this was about Stacie and not her. But still, she couldn’t quite shake it off.

“Hold on. What do you mean, it doesn’t matter how you feel?” Chloe interrupted her later that night, when it was just them in the living room.

Their parents had gone back to their hotel room with a promise of meeting with them again tomorrow and Stacie had left for her own apartment, citing the need to sleep in her own bed and not Beca's lumpy couch. While they had been cleaning up the remains of the little family reunion, Chloe had clearly noticed Beca’s — even more than usual — silent demeanor and started to lightly prod and, before Beca realized it, she had been rambling about everything running a mile a minute inside her head.

Chloe had been letting her talk it out for the last twenty minutes at least.

“Well, it doesn’t,” Beca shrugged. “The only thing that matters is that Stacie is happy.”

“Beca…”

She moved closer to grab Beca's hands, worry and concern shining back at her and Beca just hoped her hands weren't as clammy as she felt they were. 

(And also so Beca wouldn't have to come up with some lame excuse to hide the fact her hands were clammy because she was nervous about Chloe's proximity).

"If you're feeling something other than happy for Stacie, that's okay," Chloe's tone was soft as she started soothingly rubbing her thumbs over Beca's hands, unknowingly increasing Beca's heart rate. "Those feelings are just as real as everything else in your life and they shouldn't be discarded by anyone, least of all you."

Beca felt a tiny hint of a blush tingling her cheeks and let out a ragged breath she didn't realize she was holding. She couldn't handle emotions very well in the best of her days, let alone these mixed feelings towards her father and Chloe all at once.

"Yeah, I know, but—"

"No buts," Chloe interrupted her firmly, still holding her hands. "You're nothing short of amazing and I sort of knew that back in school. But now I can also see how much you hold everything in," she started rubbing circles again. "You're not going to stop being strong if you let your guard down every once in a while, okay? Having feelings doesn't make you weak, they make you stronger. You just have to learn how to tap into that strength."

Beca knew she was talking about her relationship with her father. After all, that was what had triggered this touchy-feely conversation. But Beca couldn't help but relate what Chloe was talking about to those twisting butterflies in her stomach triggered by Chloe herself.

Beca was afraid of those feelings. She knew that. She wasn't _that_ dense.

So when Chloe talked about learning how to use her feelings for her own benefit, Beca knew that she would have to let go of said fear.

It was just so much easier said than done.

"Okay fine," Beca finally relented when Chloe's searching gaze wouldn't leave her face. "I'll talk to my dad about it."

Chloe's dazzling smile was warm enough to elicit a small one in response from Beca. It was contagious.

"I'm happy for you, Bec," she squeezed Beca's hands one more time, finally letting go to go back to cleaning their living room.

Beca pretended not to notice she missed the warmth.

//

The next day, Stacie and Beca were out with Warren and Elizabeth for what Stacie's mom deemed 'a much needed pre-baby shower shopping spree'. Which Beca just assumed was an excuse for both her and Stacie to go nuts over baby clothes and toys, begrudgingly dragging Beca and Warren along for the ride.

As expected, both mother and daughter walked ahead, making endless plans for the months to come and Beca found herself falling into at walk alongside her father, a couple of steps behind.

Nerves wreaked havoc on her insides and had been all day. Her talk with Chloe kept re-playing in the back of her mind while her unresolved feelings towards her father took up the forefront. And when Beca was nervous, she started tapping out beats on the nearest available surface — currently her thigh.

"You're nervous," Warren said casually, startling Beca.

"What?"

"You're nervous," he repeated, gesturing to her beating hands. "You always do that when you're nervous." A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth.

Beca's first instinct was to stop and find a new outlet for her nerves, just so she couldn't give her father the satisfaction of being right. She knew that was fifteen-year-old Beca talking. Instead, twenty-five-year-old Beca opted for doing otherwise.

"I am," she admitted. "Thanks for noticing."

Her snarky comment was received with a chuckle. Beca was still having a hard time wrapping her mind around this new father figure standing next to her. The man she knew during her teenage years would never have laughed in the face of Beca's sarcasm.

"You know, Beca," Warren continued, amusement coloring his words, "I've missed you."

Beca's breath hitched and she tried to cover it by pretending to peruse the window of a nearby shop.

"We don't have to do this, Dad," she said, trying to focus on the storefronts they passed instead of her father's twinkling eyes. "Water under the bridge, right?"

Stacie and Elizabeth finally found the store they were looking for and disappeared inside, forcing them to either stop to sit and wait or follow them in. And this wasn't a conversation Beca wanted to have between rows of plastic bottles and pacifiers.

It wasn't a conversation she wanted to have at all.

"I'd still like to talk about it, if you're up to it," Warren insisted, but not in the forceful way he would have done it back when they lived together.

Beca heaved a deep sigh, relenting. She decided she needed to go on a self-improvement kick if she really wanted to come to terms with her feelings. Both towards her father and Chloe.

"There's a coffee kiosk around the corner. Wanna grab something?" She offered.

Warren's answering smile and nod were small, but seemingly sincere. Beca seriously hoped against hope she wouldn't regret this.

//

Beca's nimble fingers tapped out a beat on the side of their table after ordering a latte and a blueberry muffin. Her dad finished ordering his espresso and turned to look at her.

"I owe you an apology," he went straight to his point, surprising Beca. "Several, in fact."

"Why?" she asked. 

They both had plenty to apologize for, Beca would be the first to admit. She'd been a horrible, petulant teenager that unloaded all her pent up and, most of the time, misguided anger at her father with little remorse. 

Warren hadn't been the best father. Distant and strict, he disapproved of every one of Beca's decisions through her teenage years and early adulthood and made little effort to hide it. 

"Beca I know what you must think of me. I know, though you'll never admit it, that you think I don't love you. And believe me, I never meant to come across as this unsupportive, unrelenting father who would rather have his way or the highway. I just thought I was doing what was best for you."

"Seriously?" A bitter laugh escaped Beca's lips. "You made me miserable all through high school because you thought you were doing your best?"

Warren frowned and Beca felt a tiny pang of guilt rattle around her insides. Chloe's words echoed in her mind and spurred her on. She had been holding onto those feelings for too long, it was time to put them out there. All of them.

She could see he was struggling to get his words out properly; it was a feeling Beca could relate to, all too well. It was why she preferred to put pen and paper to her feelings and turn them into music. 

Their orders arrived, interrupting whatever rebuttal her father had. She took a long sip of her drink and braced herself for whatever came next.

"I didn't think I was doing my best," Warren corrected her as soon as their waitress was gone. "I thought I was doing what was best for _you_."

"I don't see the difference."

It didn’t matter what his intentions were, to fifteen-year-old-Beca it only mattered how they made her feel. She started aggressively peeling back her muffin's wrapper just to give herself something to do.

"Beca, this upscale, lavish life we've had was never my dream. I only pushed so hard for itbit I wanted to give _you_ the best things life had to offer and I thought money was the way to do it," he explained, ignoring his own order while she continued her furious attack on hers. "I equated being a good provider with being a good husband and father. I thought I could buy your love and it scared me to see both you and you mom reject that. I'm ashamed I ever thought that way."

Tears prickled the corners of her eyes and Beca averted her gaze, trying desperately to blink them away. She locked eyes with her father, the heavy boulder of anger and resentment that sat squarely atop her chest all these years got chipped away at a little more at the unabashed sincerity she saw in them; the guilt she could feel coming off of him in waves nearly managed to undo her resolve. She couldn't look at him anymore.

"I never wanted you stupid money," she managed to croak out, eliciting another amused chuckle from him. "Neither did my mom."

"Believe me, now I know," he smiled sadly. "But it took me a long time to get there. To accept that. And once you made a break for it, away from the life I thought was right for you, you never looked back, not once. I missed you. All I wanted was a chance to make things right with you again."

The tears that had been burning behind Beca's eyes finally broke free, and she let them roll down her cheeks. This man that sat in front of her today was so far removed from Beca's memories of her father. Of the image she'd constructed of him, if anything, just to give herself an excuse. A reason to hate him, just a little bit. 

"I—" she swallowed past the lump in her throat, "I didn't want your financial support. I never did. I worked my way up from the bottom to get to where I am today and I'm okay with that. I wanted a father who loved me for who I am. Not one who was constantly trying to make me into someone I'm not. I wanted a father that could support my decisions even when he disagreed. Not one who crapped all over them."

Warren looked at her with sadness in his eyes, his own tears not-so at bay.

"It's one of the biggest regrets of my life that I didn't realize it sooner," he reached across the table to wipe the tears cascading down her cheeks with his thumb and Beca leaned into the touch. "And it would mean the world to me if you let me try again. To be the father you deserve."

Silence overcame their little bubble. Beca reached for some napkins to try and dry her face but _those goddamn tears_ kept coming, making it impossible. Suddenly, she felt the urge to laugh at the ridiculously impossible situation she found herself in — at a café kiosk in a busy mall with the father she hadn’t talked to in five years apologizing for never giving her the support she needed. Crying.

It was an absurd situation she never thought she’d find herself in and she couldn’t help but laugh at that.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Beca finally said, smiling despite her tears.

“I’ve been told,” Warren laughed, dabbing a napkin at his own eyes.

"Fine, if you want it that badly," Beca agreed, sniffling and managing to wipe her tears away, finally. "But I'm warning you. I'm still a bitch."

Warren was still smiling when he reached for his now lukewarm coffee. "Some things will never change, Beca."

Their easy banter made Beca feel lighter than she had in years. It warmed her heart to realize that, in a weird, roundabout way, she had Chloe to thank for that. Maybe this letting people be there for her business wasn't such a bad idea after all. They had long ways to go but this felt like a good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	5. The One Where They Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A difficult situation ends up putting Beca in more trouble than she was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quarantine, day #14: new chapter day! enjoy :)
> 
> trigger warning: this chapter discuss panic attacks.

the mashup beca is composing is [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZbH52eHpCg) :)

//

Beca was at the Topped Off, leeching up their WiFi signal — hers had been unstable for days even though she had lodged a complaint with the company several times — because she _needed_ to get this mix out of her head.

Chloe had been humming Taylor Swift under her breath for over a week now — 1989 era, which just _sucked_. Beca disliked Taylor Swift on a principle but there was _no way_ she could ignore how well-produced that album was. And the fact Chloe liked it, well. That only just served to mess with her head and twist her feelings for her even further because a woman with a good taste in music would always be a major turn on for Beca.

Beca's mind started composing a mix of Style and One Direction's Perfect without her permission. She could listen to it so perfectly, so clearly — so _Chloe_ — that she needed to finish it before she combusted.

Ashley — she was pretty sure it _was_ Ashley even though her and Jessica started not using their name tags when they noticed Beca's confusion just to mess with her — brought the coffee she had ordered and noticed what she was working on, speaking up.

"Hey, you work with music, right?" Beca nodded. "Cool. Gail let us start hosting this weekly Acoustic Night thing, to try and liven up here a bit. You know anyone who'd be interested in participating?"

"What?" Beca wheezed, almost choking on her sip of coffee. "Dude, yeah. Emily would love that!"

"We thought of her," Jes...Ashley smiled. "Will you let her know?"

Unfortunately, Beca had left her phone up in her apartment charging. She looked over at the almost finished track she was working on and then back at the pamphlet Ashley had taken out of her apron. If she ran up to call Emily really quickly she could be back and finish her mashup before Chloe came back home.

"Sure, I'll go call her," she decided.

Beca put her computer back in her messenger bag hastily after saving her progress and got up, finishing up her coffee in a hurry and almost scalding herself.

"Thanks Ashley!"

"It's Jessica!"

Beca eyed the girl seriously and noticed a hint of a smirk on her face. Of course they were messing with her. She flipped _Ashley_ off before running back to her apartment.

//

Beca was so excited about the prospect of Emily finally getting to sing — she had been pestering Beca about it ever since they started working together — that she didn't notice somebody was talking to her until they shouted:

"Hold the elevator!"

It startled Beca and she didn't even have the time to react before Chloe wriggled her way in, barely making it through.

"Thanks," she said teasingly, her cheeks flushed from running. "You didn't hear me?"

"Sorry," Beca shrugged sheepishly. "My head was somewhere else."

"Care to share?" Chloe said, pushing the button for their storey even though Beca had already done it.

Beca's excitement caused a huge smile to break out, eliciting a matching one from Chloe. "Emily's going to sing."

"Actually sing?" Chloe turned to Beca, eyes dramatically wide. "Like, live performance and all?"

"Yeah, dude," Beca laughed. "Ashley gave me the pamphlet just now."

When Beca reached for the paper in her bag, the elevator shook with a slap-bang, whirring and suddenly stopped, all the lights going out. Beca toppled to the ground, hurting her elbow, but that wasn't her major worry, despite her pain.

"Chloe?" she called out, trying to feel around the dark for her. "Chloe?!"

The only thing she could hear were labored breaths.

Cursing herself for having left her phone back at her apartment, Beca tried taking a cautious step towards Chloe's general direction but thought better than that. If she had fallen like Beca had, Beca could end up kicking or stepping on her and that would just make things worse.

"Over here," came Chloe's weak reply from the corner of the elevator.

Scrambling in the dark, Beca felt around and found Chloe's hand, squeezing it hard.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting next to Chloe, feeling her tremble.

"Not really," Chloe gasped, squeezing Beca's hand back even harder.

"Dude, what is it?" Beca questioned, noticing how laboured Chloe's breathing was.

"I—" Chloe's voice failed. "I'm claustrophobic."

//

_Fuck._

_Fuckityfuckingfu_ —

"You're what?" Beca asked, trying to assess how screwed she actually was.

"Claustrophobic," Chloe wheezed out between labored breaths.

It wasn't that Beca didn't know what to do — she had seen her fair share of psychologists to learn how to handle her anxiety — it was just that it was _Chloe_ who was having a panic attack right in front of her, nearly crushing her hand. Just like the night that she moved in with Beca, it was disconcerting to see Chloe acting so un-Chloe like. It threw Beca off her game and she didn't know what to do.

So she did what came naturally to her.

" _You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say… I'm talking loud, not saying much_."

Beca started singing, grabbing Chloe's hands and putting them over her heart and throat so she could feel her heartbeats, her fluttering voice singing softly to one of her favorite songs.

" _I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet, you shoot me down, but I get up._ "

She could feel Chloe's breathing falling into pace with hers and she knew she was calming down. There were no more gurgling noises or frantic gasps for air. It fueled Beca to keep it going.

" _I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away… ricochet, you take your aim, fire away, fire away… you shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_ …"

Beca couldn't help but smile when she noticed Chloe was quietly harmonizing with her. While Beca's favorite part of a song would always be the beats, how their constant rhythm could make or break a song, but she could appreciate a good harmony and a well-thought out melody. Which was something she usually associated with Chloe since more often than not Beca would catch her trying to harmonize with every song that was being played anywhere.

They finished the chorus quietly, and Beca felt better when she noticed Chloe was no longer clinging to her hand for dear life. She kept their hands linked and rubbing soothing circles over them, though, just in case.

"Thanks," Chloe croaked out after a while, sniffling. "Sorry for the freak out."

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for," Beca interjected gently. "I had no idea you…" she trailed off, not wanting to bring up Chloe's episode or their current predicament as to not make things worse.

"Yeah," Chloe laughed humorlessly. "Courtesy of an April's Fool prank gone wrong my freshman year at Barden."

Beca's eyes widened. She never knew.

"The girls from the cheer team locked me in the supply closet after they sent me in there to search for something. I don’t even remember what it was,” Chloe’s voice trembled. “I don't think the closet was as small as I remember but I distinctly remember the feeling of the walls closing in on me, made it worse by the fact that I couldn't get out. I got so nervous I couldn't even cry for help," without even realizing, Beca was holding both Chloe's hands over her heart, cuddling to her side to try and comfort her.

"By the time Aubrey found me, I was curled up into a ball by the door with claw marks all over my arms and face," Chloe's sigh was a trembling one but she didn't relapse into crying. "She helped me out and took me to the hospital, staying with me the whole time. And she must have said something to our cheer coach because when I got back for training the next day the whole squad apologized."

Beca remembered Aubrey; she had always seen the blonde as sort of vicious guard dog; harsh and judgemental. A type-A kind of bitch. But now she had a newfound respect for the girl she once knew.

And she also understood the words Chloe left unsaid — the team may have apologized and she may have accepted it, but the damage was done. There was no going back from the pain and the anxiety the moment left her with.

"I never knew," Beca's voice was almost a whisper, not wanting to disturb their semi-peaceful moment. "I'm so sorry, Chlo."

Chloe didn't say anything, just cuddled closer to Beca, resting her head on her shoulders. Beca was still cradling Chloe's hands with her own and albeit she was itching to reach for the emergency phone to demand they took them out of there, she didn't want to let go of her hands.

A faint, buzzing sound broke their dim silence.

"I think that's my phone," Chloe said, retrieving one of her hands to fish the device out of her back pocket. "It's Emily."

She handed the phone to Beca, laying her head back on her shoulders. Getting the message, Beca picked up the call.

"Hey Em," she greeted, her voice barely above a whisper.

" _Beca! Oh my stars, you're okay! And you're with Chloe! Where are you guys? Why aren't you answering your phone?_ " Beca could hear some loud noises in the background but she couldn’t hear anything aside from Amy shouting ‘They’re alive!’

"We're okay," Beca tried to calm her frantic friends. "Well, sorta. We're stuck inside the elevator and Chloe had a panic attack. She's calmer now," she added before Emily could start rambling again. "But it'd be nice to get out of here. What the hell happened?"

" _A blackout.”_ Beca cursed under her breath. This wasn't good news. She felt Chloe clutching her hand harder. " _A generator around the corner caught on fire and then exploded, it took down the Village's entire power. They don't know when it'll be back up_."

"Call the supper, the cops, the firefighters, whoever you need to get us out of here, okay? As soon as possible," she wanted Emily to understand the seriousness of the situation without alarming Chloe any further.

" _I'm on it captain. See you soon_."

Emily hung up on her face — presumably to do as she had been told so Beca couldn't be too mad at her — and Beca gave the phone back to Chloe.

"We're getting out of here ASAP," she said with more confidence than she felt, eliciting a genuine chuckle from Chloe.

"Are you sure?" she asked and albeit Beca couldn't actually see her face — the emergency lights kept flickering uselessly — she knew she had a small smile on.

"Emily can be very efficient when needed," Beca guaranteed.

They were silent for another while before Chloe talked again.

"Beca," she called softly as if to not disturb Beca. "How did you know I like Titanium?"

Beca smiled; she had heard Chloe humming it under her breath a couple of times and it had thrilled her to no end. Just another nugget of information to add to her infatuation with the redhead.

Not that she would tell her _that_.

"Everybody likes Titanium, dude," she teased instead. "It's Sia and David Guetta. What's not to like?"

Chloe hummed, shifting a little. "You're right. The song really builds."

Not really knowing what to make of the comment — and unsure she should say something at all; Chloe's train of thought was difficult to follow on the best of days — she said the only thing she could.

"You're such a weirdo."

//

“You know,” Chloe said when Beca finished her silly rendition of the Full House theme song. “I was so intimidated by you back in high school.”

Emily still hadn’t managed to make good on her promise of getting them out of the elevator so Beca was stuck trying to distract Chloe from another panic attack. So she started doing dumb, overdramatic renditions of tv show theme songs and 90s pop tunes.

Beca did a double take even if Chloe couldn’t quite make out her face. “What? Why?”

“Well…” Chloe drawled out, her thumb — from the hand that was still holding Beca’s even after calming down — drawing some absent pattern on Beca’s hand. “You were this very talented drummer girl that I had always admired from afar. You were always so… effortlessly cool, I guess.”

“I was never cool,” Beca snorted.

By Chloe’s scoff, Beca could tell she was rolling her eyes. “Maybe not like that,” she amended. “But, like… stoic, solid, y’know? Like, you were always by Stacie’s side, no matter what, but you never said anything, always looking so serious. Even when you were in the music room, working on your own thing, you still looked so serious. It was intimidating.”

“I am serious!” Beca protested, eliciting another laugh from Chloe.

“Not that kind of serious, Bec.” Chloe said in banter. “You’re just… layered.”

“What, like an onion?” Beca was very amused by Chloe’s line of argument.

“Yes!” Chloe agreed enthusiastically. “Well, not as smelly. You smell good,” she made a show of sniffing Beca’s neck, causing her to squeak. “But you hide behind so many layers! Angst, clothes, eyeliner…”

“Fuck you,” Beca laughed, shoving a laughing Chloe with her elbow.

“But you also keep people within arm's reach, you know? Not physically, of course,” Chloe said dismissively. “But you’re always there. At distance, but there,” Beca didn’t have any remarks for that because it was true; she had a lot of difficulty letting people in, especially back in her teen years; yet she never let them wander too far in case they ever decided they needed her. “Stoic. Cool. It just always made me think that you only talked to me because I annoyed you into it.”

“You do annoy me,” Beca couldn’t help getting back at Chloe for her previous comment, laughing when she got lightly shoved too. “But you’re right, I guess,” she admitted. “I never let people in.”

“Now I know that’s not true,” Chloe said. “Not anymore, anyway. You’re a different person now then you were back then, Becs.”

“How do you know that?” Beca challenged defiantly.

She knew Chloe had accepted her challenge when she felt her shift, turning to face Beca in the semi-darkness.

“Because,” Chloe whispered, startling Beca because she was much closer than she’d expected. “You wear less eyeliner now.”

Beca's full-out belly laugh caused her entire body to shake and she could feel Chloe’s shaking against her too.

“You’re an idiot,” Beca managed to say when her laughter finally died down.

“But seriously Beca,” Chloe pressed on, her face still much closer than it was considered socially acceptable. “You _are_ different now. Softer and yet much stronger than you were back then. It’s beautiful to see.”

Beca could feel her face heating up with embarrassment and was glad for the dusky setting, hoping against hope that Chloe wouldn’t notice it. But she did hope Chloe knew _she_ was the beautiful one, not Beca. In more ways than one.

“You’re beautiful,” she sighed candidly.

_What?_

Beca’s eyes widened, shocked she had actually uttered the words running through her brain unfiltered. What the hell was she doing?

“You think I’m beautiful?” Chloe’s voice had a tint to it; soft and gentle, fuzzing Beca’s mind even further.

How could Beca ever deny her anything when she sounded like that?

“Yeah,” Beca replied easily despite the dryness in her throat.

Her heart was beating a mile per hour and she could feel Chloe coming closer, so close their foreheads were almost touching and she could feel Chloe’s warm breath mixing with her own.

“Beca…”

Chloe’s tone was feathery and Beca knew what that meant. They were going to kiss. It was as clear as daylight. And to be honest Beca didn’t feel like stopping it. Screw the consequences.

Except there was a jolt, the elevator shook and the lights stopped flickering and went back on, the motor whirring back to life, interrupting their moment by jolting them apart abruptly. Beca didn’t know if Emily had finally managed to get a team to rescue them or if the lights had simply gone back on.

All she could think about was that she had almost kissed Chloe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	6. The One With All The Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca needs to learn how to cope with the aftermath or her almost-kiss with Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the days have blended together, but here's another chapter for you guys to enjoy :) everybody say thank you anonymous kiwi!

Beca was at the studio, mixing program opened on her computer and a couple of tracks waiting to be tweaked to perfection. And yet, all she could do was stare blankly at the screen, tapping a pen on the table, deep in thought.

Suffice to say, she was having some trouble focusing.

How _could_ she focus on anything else aside from the fact her and Chloe had almost kissed on an elevator over a week ago? And that both of them had promptly ignored it when they got out and carried on with their lives like _that_ didn't change anything?

How would Beca ever be able to focus on anything ever again? How could she let go?

_Thwap!_ She was startled out of her thoughts when she got hit in the head with a green foam ball.

"Dude, what the fuck?" she turned to glare at Jesse, the obvious culprit.

"If you thumped that pen one more time I would have thrown my keyboard at you," he explained, raising an eyebrow suspiciously when her glare turned into a scowl and she threw her pen inside her drawer rather harshly.

"What is _up_ with you?" Jesse questioned, bewildered. "You’ve been in a mood all day. Actually, scratch that,” he shook his head. “You’ve been in a mood all _week_.”

_“You’re beautiful,” she sighed candidly._

_What?_

_Beca’s eyes widened, shocked she had actually uttered the words running through her brain unfiltered. What the hell was she doing?_

_“You think I’m beautiful?” Chloe’s voice had a tint to it; soft and gentle, fuzzing Beca’s mind even further._

_How could Beca ever deny her anything when she sounded like that?_

_“Yeah,” Beca replied easily despite the dryness in her throat._

“Nothing,” Beca grumbled, roughly smashing the space key on her keyboard, the track she was working on playing on a loop through her headphones.

Much like Chloe’s words from the elevator had been playing in her mind all day, winding around her head, wreaking havoc on her feelings. She should be concentrating on her work for crying out loud and yet all she could do was relive their little elevator moment over and over inside her head.

“Right,” Jesse drawled, unbelieving. “That’s why you’ve been staring at your computer all day without actually getting anything done?”

Beca paused the track again — Jesse was right, she wasn’t paying any attention to it anyway — and turned to scowl at him again.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than to annoy me all day?” Beca snapped, a sharp jolt of guilt burning in her stomach when she saw actual hurt crossing Jesse’s features.

She hadn’t meant to sound so angry and harsh but all those repressed feelings simmering down inside her were reverting her back to high-school Beca, throwing a serious wrench on her interpersonal skills.

“Well, sorry,” he said in that pitiful, kicked puppy voice of his, making Beca feel worse. “I’m just worried about you, you know that, Beca.”

Releasing a deep sigh, Beca rubbed her hands over her face, uncaring of the fact that it would, most definitely, ruin her make-up. She just wanted a break from the mess of thoughts swimming inside her head.

“I know, Jess,” she conceded. “I’m sorry too. I just have... a lot on my mind, I guess.”

Talk about an understatement.

‘A lot’, to Beca, meant Chloe’s delicate, dream-like tone right when they were about to kiss. The faint smell of lavender that followed her everywhere. The way her breath hitched, her eyes fell from Beca’s eyes to her lips and then fluttered close. How Beca, heart beating wildly inside her chest, could feel Chloe’s hand twitching in anticipation, her leaning forward — Beca swore she could feel Chloe’s lips ghosting her own — and—

“Wanna talk about it?” Jesse asked, startling Beca out of her reverie again much like the elevator had jolted her and Chloe out of their intimate moment.

_Rude._

“Nope,” she replied crankily, shoving her headphones back over her ears and trying for the umpteenth time that day to just focus on her goddamn work.

//

Beca finally had gotten home after giving up on actually being productive at work somewhere around 4 P.M. She knew it would be best if she stayed at work for longer, fruitlessly trying to do something useful, rather than going home where, more likely, she’d have to face Chloe and Beca was just not ready for that.

However, she had received a text from Emily, reminding Beca of her promise to help her prepare for the upcoming Acoustic Lounge Night at the Topped Off, and decided to act like the adult she pretended to be and just go home.

How terribly awkward could it be?

When Beca got home — she took the stairs, just in case — she wasn’t surprised to find Emily with her guitar propped on her knees and random papers askew all around her, sitting on the floor by the coffee table. She was surprised, though, at Chloe’s absence — she had only been working part-time at the bakery so she was always home in the afternoons.

“‘Sup, Legacy,” Beca greeted, dropping her keys on the bowl by the door. “You’re alone?”

“Yeah,” Emily answered absentmindedly, too busy scrutinizing one of the bits of paper to her left. “Chloe went to pick up pizzas.”

Emily’s answer only served to confuse Beca even more; why would Chloe leave to pick up pizzas when she could have just texted Beca to pick them up on her way home?

Unless…

Unless she was avoiding Beca too.

"Huh,” Beca decided not to go down that road just yet. It would be too much. “Meat lovers?" she questioned instead, teasingly smirking at Emily's reaction.

"Mushrooms, peppers and onions," Emily glared at her. "Can you stop being a butt and help me? Please?"

Beca snorted, grabbing her laptop on her bag and making her way to Emily. "Sure. Let's see what we can do."

//

"What's this?" Emily asked, indicating some unlabeled file on Beca's screen.

Beca's eyes widened; she forgot she had left her latest mashup file lying around her main screen. Her latest mashup about _Chloe_.

Crap.

Beca batted her hand away from the screen. "A file," she tried to deconvert.

"What file?" Emily continued questioning. "Is it one of the tracks for my EP?"

Beca should lie. She wanted to. In fact, she had every intention of doing so. But if there was something she had learned over the past few weeks was that nothing good ever came from bottling up her feelings.

It was time to let the bad habits of her youth go. She needed someone to talk to about her feelings for Chloe.

Someone who would actually help her talk through them, not tease her mercilessly and just cause her to clam up even more (so that clearly ruled out Fat Amy and Cynthia-Rose). It also couldn’t be someone who would just try and talk her into confessing her feelings for Chloe without thinking it through (thus Jesse was discarded). Stacie was _pregnant_. She had a lot on her plate to try and handle Beca’s mess of feelings as well.

So, apparently, that someone was going to be Emily. Beca didn’t see that one coming.

“It’s a mashup,” she admitted hesitantly, testing the waters to see Emily’s reaction.

“Oh, you’re putting a mashup on my EP?” Emily crunched her brow, confused.

“It’s not for your EP, Em,” Beca struggled to just come out and say it. “It’s a mashup… for Chloe.”

“Like a present?”

“No…” Beca breathed slowly. “See, I—”

“Oh, is this about your feelings for Chloe?” Emily interrupted her, perking up.

“ _What?!_ ” Beca squeaked. “I—you… how do you know?”

“Stacie and Jesse talk,” Emily shrugged sheepishly, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I just listen.”

That was _a lot_ to process. Beca wanted to take offense, ask how often these talks happened, what exactly they talk about but there wasn’t time. Chloe would be back any second now and ruin all Beca’s chances to talk to Emily about what was bothering her.

She was struggling and when she gathered the courage to look Emily in the eyes, Beca could see she understood. And that she wouldn’t push Beca further than she was ready to go.

“You made this for her?” Emily asked softly instead. “That’s nice. Can I listen to it?”

Sighing, Beca nodded, pressing play and watching Emily’s face closely for a reaction.

“This is so nice,” Emily said with a sweet smile on her face. “Is this how you’re gonna tell Chloe you love her?”

“Dude, no!” Beca sputtered, looking at Emily like she had grown three heads. “Are you crazy? I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think she’d be very… receptive to it,” Beca sighed, frustrated.

“How come?”

Already tired of this, Beca just explained in one breath to Emily everything that had transpassed between her and Chloe when they were trapped in the elevator during the blackout. Her panic attack, how Beca had managed to calm her down, their heart-to-heart.

Their almost kiss.

“So if the super and I hadn’t managed to take you guys out, you’d have kissed?” Emily summed everything up, a serious look on her face.

“Probably.” Beca shrugged.

She was trying to avoid screaming into Emily’s face about how _yes_ , she _would_ have had the chance to kiss Chloe _freaking_ Beale if Emily hadn’t interrupted her!

(She was actively ignoring the fact that they had been stuck in an elevator and that, you know. Beca _had_ asked for Emily’s help).

“And you guys haven’t talked about it?” she questioned, still looking serious.

“I’m telling you, she’s been avoiding me!” Beca screeched, nervous.

“You’ve been avoiding her too!” Emily reminded her and Beca had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her protest at bay. “You guys are acting like a couple of butts.”

Beca snorted. “Butts?”

“I’m sorry, was that crass?” Emily grimaced apologetically, and Beca couldn’t help but smile. “My point is, you both need to get your shit together.”

Beca remained silent, the smallest of pouts twisting her lips and resisting the urge to cross her arms petulantly; Emily did have a good point.

“And I can definitely make the vocals for this mashup. It’ll sound great on my guitar, don’t you think?”

//

“Huh,” Cynthia-Rose said, looking around the coffee shop. “Nice turn out, isn’t it?”

Topped Off was busier than usual, all the small tables occupied. Beca, Chloe, Amy and CR had arrived early — earlier than usual, at least — and managed to snag the large, orange-felt couch that sat in the middle of the shop. Beca hated it; she felt put on display for everybody to see. But it did have the best view of the small stage where Emily would be performing, so she thought it was worth the sacrifice.

It also meant she snuggly fit against Chloe and one of the armchairs, so. Maybe Beca accepted it for ulterior reasons.

"Yeah," Fat Amy agreed from the other end of the couch. "Thelma and Louise really know how to throw a party."

Stacie, sitting on a green armchair next to them, hit Amy on the head, preventing Beca from having to do so. “It’s not a party, Amy, it’s a music festival!”

Amy opened her mouth to argue, but Emily got up on the stage, taking her guitar out of her case, followed by Jessica — Beca was 90% sure this time it was her — so Chloe and Cynthia-Rose shushed her.

“Good night, everybody! Thank you for supporting our first ever Acoustic Lounge Night!” There was a round of applause while Emily got situated. “The Topped Off is proud to present our first ever musical guest, miss Emily Junk!”

Everybody clapped politely, but their little group couldn't help themselves from making loud, obnoxious noises, whistling and shrieking. Anything to embarrass Emily.

“Ok, um, hi, hello,” Emily said into the microphone, a nervous tilt to her voice. “Okay, so. Uh, I’m going to sing an acoustic mashup of two songs? Yeah. Hope you guys like it.” 

It might've been a trick of light but Beca swore she saw Emily's hand shake, just the slightest bit, as she lowered her fingers against the guitar's strings, breathing deeply.

As she started strumming the first chords of her mashup, Beca couldn’t help but exchange sideways looks with Chloe; she knew Chloe would know she was the one who had come up with the mashup idea, and she knew she’d recognize the songs.

And she was right. Chloe had an awestruck look in her eyes, translated into a hesitant smile. When she caught Beca’s eyes, it morphed into something enchanting. She felt that spark that was always present between them in the soft brush of Chloe’s hand against Beca’s.

Beca smiled, mirroring Chloe’s pliable one.

They were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	7. The One Where Everything Is Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca has to push aside her own boundaries so her friendship with Chloe isn't ruined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my bff has ditched me in favor of the sims 4 but i managed to get his attention long enough so he'd help me with this et voilà :) enjoy!

When Emily finished her set, Beca couldn't help but feel a little like a proud mama hen. Okay, so she was fucking elated! It was only normal to feel this deliriously happy when your protegé absolutely rocked her first live performance, okay?

Everybody stood up and clapped, genuinely, and Emily bowed awkwardly under the attention. When she made her way back to their little group, they all engulfed her in a big bear hug.

"Way to go, Legacy!" Beca shouted in her ear, being the closest, sandwiched between Emily and Chloe.

"It was so good!" Chloe agreed and Beca could feel her words being said with how smashed together they were.

The position wasn't the greatest for Beca's state of mind so she started wriggling, uncomfortable, eventually breaking up their group hug.

"You did do very well, Beca Jr.,” Amy said. “Now are you up for a little celebration?”

Everybody whooped, even Stacie, who was moving a little slower now that she was six months pregnant. They wouldn’t all be able to fit into one cab and that sparked an idea in Beca’s mind.

“Why don’t all of you go ahead and Chloe and I will meet you at the bar?” she suggested.

Amy and Cynthia-Rose agreed easily, already out of the coffee house calling an Uber and Emily tagged along — but not before shooting Beca a not-at-all subtle wink and a thumbs up, like the dork she was — leaving Beca and Chloe sitting behind with Stacie.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Beca asked her sister as she remained sitting, looking at her bump for good measure.

Her niece or nephew. She still couldn’t believe it, most of the time.

“Beca, I’m pregnant, not dead,” Stacie gave her a dirty look. “Besides, someone needs to be sober and make sure Amy doesn’t give Legacy alcohol poisoning.”

“She _is_ twenty-one, right?” Chloe was concerned.

“Barely,” Stacie grumbled, absentmindedly rubbing her bump protectively.

“She’ll be fine, Mama Bear,” Beca assuaged her. “But if you really wanna protect Emily, you should make sure you’re at least in the same car, right?”

Stacie walked off, still grumbling and Beca watched her go with an amused smile on her face. She turned to look at Chloe, who looked just as amused as she did by Stacie’s grumpiness. They were close; closer than they had been all week and acknowledging that served to bring back Beca’s nerves.

"Can we talk?" she started fidgeting, thumping her fingers rhythmically against her knees.

“Yeah,” Chloe said softly, leaning back on the couch and fixing her gaze on Beca. “What’s up?”

Beca cleared her throat a couple of times before she felt like she could actually speak.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry,” she said, avoiding eye contact. “I know I've been acting weird this past week. I've just been so preoccupied lately with Emily and—"

"Beca, it’s fine, you don't have to apologize,” Chloe interrupted her, smiling softly. “I know you were busy. We're good, right?"

"Right," Beca's grimace could barely be qualified as a smile, so much different than Chloe’s beautiful and genuine one. "We're good. And hopefully I won't be so busy with Emily's EP wrapping up."

"Wait,” Chloe said, brow’s knitted in confusion. “Emily's releasing an EP? I thought you were just working on a demo song for her."

"Oh, yeah. My boss ended up listening to it before I was finished and said it should be part of an EP." Beca explained, an apologetic smile gracing her lips. “Didn't I tell you about it? It was right after you helped me with it.”

"No!" Chloe shoved her playfully. "Beca! This is so awesome! Tell me on our way to the bar."

"Okay," Beca's smile was more genuine now.

As they hailed a taxi, talking and laughing, Beca knew that her earlier sentiment was true, more now than ever; everything would be okay between her and Chloe.

//

And, in a way, everything was _actually_ okay, surprising Beca once again. In the beginning, sure, she had to consciously work to push her awkwardness aside and act normal-ish around Chloe until it eventually came naturally. Again. And Chloe, being the Chloe-like person she was, just took everything in stride and brushed past Beca’s awkwardness without a hitch.

As a result, there they were, a couple of months past _The Incident_ — as Beca had started referring to in her mind — and things couldn’t be better. Seriously. She was almost done with Emily’s EP — she had been saying this for weeks but now she finally meant it — and her boss told her that if it was as good as the first track he listened to, he may just have to promote her to an _actual_ producer, not just an assistant.

Which, wow. Talk about a huge amount of pressure, but also—

“Oh, you can totally do it,” Chloe said easily, munching on a chicken wing. “You are going to blow minds, Beca Mitchell.”

“What?” Beca snorted, finishing off her own spicy wing and washing it down with a beer.

It was a Friday night and they were hanging out at a pub a couple of blocks from their place. It had good food, good beer and good music — it filled out all of Beca’s requirements for an acceptable place to go out to. And it was just the two of them, laughing, talking and having some fun.

A friendly outing.

_Not_ on a date, as Beca had to explain over and over to Emily and Stacie, via the insurmountable of texts they had sent her when Beca told them where she and Chloe were.

“I said you are going to blow minds,” Chloe repeated, taking a sip of her own beer. “You’re crazy talented and your boss won’t know what hit him when you show him the finished project.”

“Maybe then he’ll stop calling me Reggie,” Beca mused, reaching for another wing and drowning it in the hot sauce.

Chloe’s snort caught Beca off guard and she coughed when a spice hit the wrong place. “He calls you _what?_ ” she giggled and Beca couldn’t help but notice how cute the sound was.

_No_.

Friends don’t think about other friends that way. She needed to get a fucking grip.

“It was an accident!” she tried to explain but Chloe kept calling her Reggie all night.

It would have been annoying if Beca wasn’t so charmed.

//

She was a work in progress, okay? And only a human. Chloe _was_ very charming. So some days she let it get to her better than others. So what? She was being careful. And she would definitely not let any other _incidents_ happen again.

//

"Where's your better half?" Stacie inquired from her sprawled position on Beca's couch, remote control on one hand and an opened, half-eaten bag of chips on the other.

She had been not-so-slowly making her way through all of Beca's snacks all afternoon while Beca pretended not to notice.

(But she was also hiding a couple of bags of Funyuns under her bed just in case).

" _Chloe_ is at the temp agency," she stressed out Chloe's name, glaring at Stacie and opening up a family-size pack of peanut M&M's for herself. "She's starting at a new place today."

"Another bakery?" Stacie asked excitedly. "Starbucks? Denny's?" her eyes glazed in wonder. "Mmm, I could really go for a double cheeseburger with a side of jalapeño poppers now."

"Take it easy, Heimlich," Beca laughed. "And she didn't say. But I don't think it's going to be at another bakery, sorry."

"Aw, really?" Stacie pouted. "I'm gonna miss the free muffins."

"Of course you are," Beca rolled her eyes. "Are you giving birth to a human child or to a baby panda?"

Stacie simply flipped her off with her salt covered finger.

"What do you think she's going to be?" Stacie continued her musings. "Receptionist? Saleswoman? Paralegal assistant?"

Beca knew Stacie was being ridiculous but the thought of Chloe in a pair of high heels, stockings, a well-fitting pencil skirt, button-down dress shirt and a dress blazer started running wild in Beca’s mind, causing her palms to sweat and her heart rate to increase. Thinking of her in a feminine, chic, yet professional dress wasn’t any better. Jeez, was it hot in here? Maybe if she thought about dress pants and v-necks…

“Hi guys!”

Chloe's chirp greeting cut through Beca's haze, yanking her back to reality. Stacie's smirk, however, told Beca her inappropriate daydream didn't go unnoticed.

_Damn._

"Hey Red, what's up?" Stacie asked, still smirking, annoyingly popping a chip into her mouth.

"I have a new job!" Chloe beamed, dropping a kiss to Stacie's head and circling over to sit next to Beca.

"We were talking about that," Beca blushed when Chloe also dropped a kiss to her head before sitting down. "Are you going to tell us what it is?"

"Guess," Chloe's smile didn't diminish when she stole Beca's package and popped a couple of M&M's in her mouth.

"Camp counselor? Lifeguard?"

"Snowplow driver? Flower deliverer?"

"No," Chloe laughed at them. "Come on, guys!"

"Santa Claus!"

"Okay, fine, I'll tell you," Chloe caved, still laughing. "My new job is…"

"The anticipation is killing us, Chlo!" Beca moaned when she just drawled out without saying anything.

"... Substitute choir teacher," Chloe finished sheepishly, her previous excitement shifting to a more nervous energy. "What do you guys think?"

Beca had never considered Chloe as a teacher of any kind before but now that the image had entered her mind, she felt silly; it was just so perfect. She could totally see Chloe surrounded by children, even teenagers, corralling them to choreograph a number of different songs.

It was better than any image she had considered before.

Stacie was cooing over how wonderful Chloe’s new job was going to be, but Beca could feel Chloe’s eyes trained on her. She was waiting for her aval. When she turned to look at her, she could see a hint of unease clouding her eyes.

“I think it’s perfect,” Beca said sincerely, earning a small smile from Chloe.

“You really think I can do it?”

Unable to resist, Beca smirked. “I think you are going to blow minds, Chlo.”

//

Beca’s mind was in a haze.

She vaguely recalled being called into her boss’ office to talk about Emily’s EP — the one she had just finished that morning. And he was a very intimidating, successful man, who never took off his sunglasses and called her Reggie. Beca had no idea what to expect.

So when he took off his sunglasses — Beca worked very hard to keep a neutral face at that — telling her he had just finished listening to her work and he didn’t like it, she was prepared for the worst. Who wouldn’t?

“I don’t like it when people can do what I do. In a manner of speaking, it’s threatening.”

Beca was sure she was about to be fired.

“But you just did. Which makes you a valuable asset that I’d like to keep by my side.”

After that, Beca didn’t really pay much attention to him. She couldn’t. It was just… she was being offered her dream, in a silver platter, and being given the chance to bring Emily along for the ride. It was better than anything Beca could have hoped for.

She honestly felt like she would combust at any given moment with the wave of feelings reeling inside her.

How she got home, Beca couldn’t say. She was feeling dazed, not really processing the magnitude of what had actually happened. Everything felt so unreal. And yet, Beca was left feeling, mainly, like everything was finally on the right track for her.

After all the heartbreak, the hardships, the selection of crappy jobs she had before she finally managed to secure an assistant position at the label, she had made it. Or well, she _was_ going to make it. She was one giant step closer to what she had dreamed for so long and while it was a hard concept to grasp, it was also an incredible sensation of a job well-done.

“Beca, are you home?”

_Chloe._

Beca’s rollercoaster of emotions were making her feel very loopy, just like Stacie’s brownies did back in her college days. She felt her brain chanting Chloe’s name over and over, ecstatic to be in her presence, but not really following what she was saying.

It didn’t matter anyway. Beca was feeling so happy that she would do anything to keep that high running for as long as possible. And even in her foggy brain she knew Chloe was essential to that happiness.

“Oh, you’re okay,” Chloe sighed as soon as she spotted Beca. “Jesse said you left without saying anything,” she stopped, her eyes regarding Beca with caution. “ _Are_ you okay? Bec?”

“I’m fucking fantastic,” Beca said, approaching Chloe with purpose.

And then she kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	8. The One With All The Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't as clear as Beca hoped they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :) sorry for the delay, i've just had a really bad case of getting burn out. had to take a break. hopefully it's over now!
> 
> thank you to my wonderful beta for his lovely work as usual 🧡

“Hold on. You kissed her?” Stacie asked, shock evident on her face.

She wasn’t sure what had actually happened; she just knew that, one moment, she was kissing Chloe, feeling warm all over and like her heart was about to burst out of her chest with happiness. The next, they were being interrupted, _again_ , by Emily barreling through the apartment screeching about her EP and new contract, followed by Stacie, Amy and Cynthia-Rose.

Beca didn’t get enough time to properly process what was going on; first, she had Chloe’s soft lips against hers and then she was being engulfed in a hug by an ecstatic Emily, who was screaming in her ear. Had they even kissed? Was Beca imagining Chloe’s surprised gasp, her hesitancy, the fact she kissed Beca back?

“I… I guess,” Beca grimaced. “I don’t know?”

Given the exciting news both Beca and Emily had, Amy announced she was getting pizzas — after what happened the last time they all went out together, it was better if they celebrated this one at home — and Chloe and Cynthia-Rose tagged along so they could stop and get some beers on the way, leaving Emily and Stacie behind with Beca.

It was only when Stacie was sitting on the couch — Emily was too excited to sit — that she had asked why did Beca look like she had been conked on the head, prompting Beca to try and explain her broken line of thought.

“How can you not know if you kissed her?” Emily frowned.

“We did!” Beca was exasperated, an ocean of undealt feelings swimming inside her. “It just didn’t last very long.”

“Ouch.”

“You interrupted it,” she glared at Stacie, who had the decency to smile apologetically.

“Does this mean what I think it means?” Emily lit up.

Their conversation was disrupted by the pizzas’ arrival, Amy carrying way more boxes than they required and Chloe and Cynthia-Rose were talking animatedly behind her, carrying two packs of beer each — and one of ginger ale for Stacie. Chloe didn’t seem affected by what had previously happened, not even a little bit. It caused Beca’s stomach to clench uncomfortably.

“I don’t think it means anything at all, Legacy.”

//

Beca couldn’t sleep.

She tried; she had a considerable buzz from all the beers she had consumed that night — even doing a couple of shots with Emily and Amy — had a warm shower before bed — even using a little bit of Chloe’s lavender soap — and the events of the day _had_ left her very tired. Considering all of that, Beca should have no problem falling asleep as soon as she laid down on her bed.

And yet, she kept tossing and turning, slowly feeling her buzz fade away, getting replaced by a dull ache between her eyes.

It served her right for being a complete and total dumbass and just _kissing_ her best friend without even thinking about it.

She was pretty sure by now that it happened because there was no other plausible reason for Chloe to avoid looking directly at her the whole night (it may have also been the reason why Beca indulged on all the alcohol). The others didn’t notice, of course, because it wasn't _that_ noticeable; Chloe was still her regular sunshine self and she seemed genuenily happy for Emily. She ate pizza, bickering with Stacie over which toppings were better, and laughing at Cynthia-Rose and Amy’s drunken antics.

Like any normal night.

Except she didn’t speak directly at Beca at all; there weren’t any accidental touches or cuddling on the couch or off-handed comments about how cute Beca was when she was drunk.

(Beca always hated those but now she missed them desperately).

She had taken something good in her life and ruined it and this was her punishment. Sleepless nights with only a dull headache and a dry mouth to keep her company.

_Idiot._

Giving up on sleep, Beca decided to go to the kitchen and make herself some tea. If it didn't help her sleep at least would help her hangover.

What Beca didn't seem to remember, however, was that Chloe was sleeping on their couch, having relinquished her bed to Stacie, who was staying over. She looked so peaceful with her eyes closed, breathing deeply, red curls sprawled over pillows, curled under a spare blanket.

God, how Beca hated that the mere sight of Chloe caused butterflies in her stomach.

Grumbling, Beca willed herself to go to the kitchen without lingering in the living room — she failed — and work on her tea. Using a regular pot instead of a kettle and choosing one of the mugs drying on the rack instead of browsing the cupboards for a new one, Beca thought she was being entirely successful on her quest of making tea without waking anyone else.

“Bec?”

The softly calling of her name almost caused Beca to scald herself with hot water.

“Jesus, Chlo, you scared me,” Beca huffed, dropping the pot back on the stove noisily. “What are you doing up?”

Chloe sleepily rubbed her eyes. “‘M thirsty.”

Despite being annoyed at the way Chloe was making her feel, Beca couldn’t help but notice how adorable a disheveled-looking Chloe was.

“Here, have my tea,” she offered. “It’s lemongrass.”

“Thanks,” Chloe’s sleepy smile was doing annoying _things_ to Beca again so she focused on making another cup of tea. “Why are _you_ up?”

Beca debated telling her the truth or not. Maybe she should and then they’d finally have a chance to talk about what exactly was happening between them. It’s not like they’d get interrupted _again_ in the middle of the night, anyway.

“Hangover,” she said, skirting around the truth.

“You didn’t sleep it off?”

Beca grimaced. Even in her sleep-deprived state, Chloe still managed to bust her.

“No,” Beca sighed. “Had a lot on my mind, I guess.”

She heard Chloe hum as she finished making tea. “Wanna talk about it?”

Beca turned to Chloe, surprised; was she really suggesting they talked about it? Granted, Beca didn’t know if Chloe was just being nice or proposing they talked about their kiss. It didn’t matter, though; Beca thought it was as good of an opportunity as any and she was going to take it.

Or at least she was, until Stacie burst out of Chloe’s room, clutching her stomach with a pained expression on her face.

“Beca! Beca, something feels weird and _not_ good weird. I don’t—Whoa!”

Seeing her sister in distress vanished any thoughts of a possible conversation Beca had previously entertained. Her sole focus became to help Stacie.

“Oh hey, hey, don’t worry, ‘kay?” I’m sure it’s nothing,” she winced when Stacie grabbed her hand and squeezed. “ _But_ , we’re gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Relax, take a deep breath,” Stacie nodded frantically, still holding Beca’s hands, barely mimicking the breathing exercise. “I’m gonna need my hand back, honey.”

When Stacie just whimpered, Beca turned to Chloe. “Chlo? Can you drive us?”

Luckily for her, Chloe was already tying her hair in a messy bun, car keys in hand. “Already on it. Let’s go?”

“See, Stace? Everything’s gonna be fine,” she tried smiling reassuringly at Stacie, but cringed when her hand got crushed again. “Ow, dude, my hand!”

“Let’s go!”

//

Beca was still rubbing her hand after Stacie got wheeled away to be checked by the doctors.

“Stop being a baby,” Chloe laughed, sitting next to her on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs.

“Hey, it wasn’t _your_ hand she was crushing, okay?” Beca scowled. “She could have broken my fingers!”

“Sure she could, drama queen,” Chloe laughed again. “She was in pain! You gotta cut her some slack.”

Beca grumbled. “When she goes into delivery, _you_ hold her hand.”

Chloe giggled and Beca yawned. She was tired. Between all the excitement she’s had throughout the day, the fact that it was now 3 a.m. and she was in the hospital and something was potentially wrong with Stacie and the baby and that she could still feel her hangover lingering in the back of her mind, Beca felt like she could collapse at any second.

Even if her mind wouldn’t shut up long enough for her to rest, she knew it was a matter of time before her body gave up on her.

She was startled when Chloe thrusted a coffee in her hands. She never even realized she had left.

“You never got to drink your tea,” Chloe explained when Beca just stared at her. “So I got you some coffee. A nice one, not that brown sludge on the nurse’s station,” she whispered conspiratolly, getting Beca to chuckle tiredly.

“Thanks, Chlo,” she said, taking a sip, glad that it was _actually_ good.

“You’re welcome,” Chloe smiled at her, also taking a sip of her drink. “So, you wanna talk about what’s bothering you?”

Beca nearly choked. She had almost forgotten about that.

“It might help you take your mind off Stacie,” Chloe smiled apologetically.

“No, yeah, sure,” Beca puffed. “I’m just, I don’t know, shocked, I guess? I didn’t think _you_ would wanna talk about it.”

“What do you mean?” Chloe asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Well, last time we almost kissed you avoided me for a week. Now that we _actually_ kissed, I thought…”

“Oh,” Chloe said with a blank expression on her otherwise very expressive face. _“That’s_ what you wanna talk about.”

“Yeah,” Beca said hesitantly, thrown off by Chloe’s reaction. “Don’t you?”

“Bec,” Chloe looked at her seriously. “This isn’t the time or the place, is it? We’re both tired and sleep deprived, Stacie is in the hospital…”

“No, I know,” Beca frowned. “But Chloe, I feel like this is suffocating me, dude. I-I’m afraid I’ve done something stupid and-and, like, _ruined_ this good thing we have going and—”

“Beca,” Chloe interrupted her firmly. “Listen to me. Nothing is ruined, okay? You did nothing wrong,” she reached out to hold Beca’s hand. “I just… I just don’t think _now_ is the time, okay? I’m not ready to talk about it. Not yet.”

Beca sighed. At least this time Chloe was acknowledging what happened, which was an improvement from last time. So Beca could give her this.

“Okay,” Beca conceded. “But can we not let this get in the way of our friendship? Please?” she pleaded, not caring at how desperate she sounded.

She cared too much about the relationship they had constructed over their time as roommates to just let it be over because of something so stupid.

“Of course,” Chloe smiled at her reassuringly. “I told you, nothing is ruined.”

Beca nodded, taking another sip of her coffee to prevent her from saying anything else. Chloe had asked her for time, after all. Thankfully, the next moment brought a very grumpy-looking Stacie, followed by a doctor, signaling the end of their doctor’s visit.

“Your sister is fine, Miss Mitchell,” the doctor said as soon as he spotted them. “She was just experiencing some Braxton-Hicks contractions.”

Beca didn’t know what that meant but if it had Stacie up and walking, it shouldn’t be a problem. “Everything’s good? Nothing wrong with her or the baby?”

“‘Everything’s good’? Let’s have _your_ uterus contracting so you can answer me if everything is _good_ , Beca!” Stacie screeched.

Beca rolled her eyes; clearly, everything was just fine with Stacie.

Which, despite her reassurances, was more than she could say for her and Chloe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	9. The One With The Thanksgiving Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving brings a lot of people and feelings to Beca's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a day, huh? Hopefully, this will only make it better. Hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> PS: If you find the Almost Family reference, my girlfriend applications are open.

Beca didn’t know when her life had become such a mess of feelings.

It was now Thanksgiving, Stacie was fast-approaching her last month of pregnancy — and had all but officially moved into Beca and Chloe’s, taking over Beca’s bed because of course, Beca wouldn’t let her have the couch. She would take it, it was fine. Except Stacie was right, her couch was too old and lumpy to be comfortable for a good night’s sleep, even more so for several nights in a row.

Chloe, taking notice of Beca’s massive dark circles under her eyes that no amount of concealer was able to hide, offered that they shared her bed. Beca shouldn’t have been surprised; it was a very Chloe thing to do. What took Beca by surprise was the fact that she _accepted_ Chloe’s offer, despite her bed being much narrower than Beca’s, meaning they spent their nights snuggly pressed against each other, wreaking havoc in Beca’s feelings.

Regardless of how comforting Chloe’s bed was, Beca could only manage to get a full night’s sleep if she fell asleep first; whenever she went to bed after Chloe she just spent most of the night wide-awake, wondering if they would ever talk about their kiss and what it meant, trying to ignore how fast her heart was beating as Chloe cuddled closer.

She had other things to focus on, after all.

“I can’t believe we’re missing Thanksgiving this year!” Stacie complained from her position on Beca’s couch.

“I thought we were having Thanksgiving here?” Emily asked, confused. “I’m bringing yams. Amy told me to bring yams!”

“We are,” Beca glared at Stacie. “She’s just being annoying.”

Beca still couldn’t believe she was _actually_ doing it; agreeing to have Thanksgiving dinner in her apartment with Stacie because she couldn’t fly down to Georgia was one thing. Thanksgiving with their friends would be chaotic, sure, but Beca was used to that kind of chaos in her life. On top of that, Thanksgiving with her dad and Elizabeth, who felt bad for Stacie not being able to travel? It was pushing it, but sure. Fine. The more the merrier or whatever the hell kind of lie she needed to tell herself.

Thanksgiving with all of them _plus_ Chloe — who was staying because her parents were going to her ex-in-laws estate party — _and_ her mom, who decided to visit when Beca called and said she wasn’t going back home this year?

These people were going to drive Beca insane. She just knew it. There was no way she’d be able to survive that, was there?

Her phone buzzed with a message from her mom asking what she should bring to dinner. Beca answered with the only thing she knew would make this experience more bearable for her.

**Beca (11:32 AM):** _Wine. Lots and lots of it_.

//

“Hey!” Emily said when she arrived extra early to help Beca with dinner.

“Hi, Em! Happy Thanksgiving!” Beca greeted, taking the yams from her to put them in the oven.

“Happy needless-turkey-murder day!” Emily smiled cheekily. “Where is everybody?”

“Well, Stacie is in my room napping, Chloe and Cynthia-Rose are across the hall making dessert, Amy went out to buy more liquor and I’ve managed to convince my parents to only come when the game starts,” Beca stated, proud of herself.

Which she was. Keeping everybody away so they wouldn’t start grating on her nerves so early in the day was no easy stunt.

“How did you manage to get everyone out?” Emily asked, surprised.

“I didn’t,” Beca sassed. “ _You’re_ still here,” she laughed when Emily threw a thyme twig at her. “I mean, thanks for helping me with the food, Legacy,” Beca batted her eyes, putting on the fakest smile she could muster.

“You’re such a butt,” Emily grumbled. “I don’t like you.”

“Sure you don’t,” Beca laughed, helping Emily cut out carrots and onions for the stuffing.

“You’re in a good mood,” Emily commented, eyes widening as she turned to Beca. “Oh, my stars, did you and Chloe finally talked?”

At that, Beca’s demeanor cracked a little. “No,” she said sorrowfully, pouting a little. “But today I have bigger things to worry about. Like, will Stacie’s water break while we’re carving the turkey? Or will my parents play nice with each other? Will Amy be appropriate all night or will I have to hide the tequila from her again?” Beca sighed. “I won’t have time to mope around and worry about why Chloe is avoiding talking to me about it, okay? So drop it.”

“Oh-kay,” Emily drawled, a little taken aback at Beca’s unintentional rant. “I’m gonna go and see if Chloe and Cynthia-Rose need any help. BRB.”

Beca groaned at Emily’s hasty exit. So far she hasn’t done a great job at keeping her temper in check. She’d have to work on it before everybody arrived.

//

Beca’s apartment smelled _great_. It was a mixture of Beca’s turkey — which, she was proud to say, looked and tasted amazing — Elizabeth’s toffee pudding — a treat Beca had missed sorely over the years — Chloe and CR’s blackberry pie — that Beca may or may not have sneaked a taste beforehand — and her dad’s spiced mead — another treat Beca had sorely missed (but would _never_ admit).

It was also louder than usual; the TV was on, with Cynthia-Rose and her dad watching the game, Emily had her guitar out and was giving Stacie and Elizabeth a private show and Amy was telling Chloe a ‘Thanksgiving story’ that somehow involved dingoes and wrestling a crocodile. Beca had warned Chloe not to ask.

And true to her words, her mother did bring up an armload of wine that Beca was quick to hide from Amy.

“You’re a saint,” Beca groaned, stashing the bottles away before coming back to put the green bean casserole in the oven. “Thanks for coming, mom.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, honey,” Eleanor smiled and Beca could recognize the crinkly-eyed smile from a drunken picture of her Chloe took a few months ago. “It’s really nice, what you’re doing.”

“More like self-destructive,” Beca said with a self-deprecating smile, taking a sip from her drink.

She still had the mashed potatoes and glazed vegetables to work on but given the chance to soberly talk about her feelings or accidentally burn herself on the oven, Beca would gladly take her chances with the burn. Old habits die hard.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” her mom bumped her shoulder lightly. “You’re being a good sister. And I’m glad to see you worked things out with your dad, finally.”

“You don’t need to sound so surprised,” Beca complained, cutting up carrots. “We would have done it eventually. I think.”

“I’m sure you would have, Bug,” Eleanor said in a tone that indicated she didn’t mean it _at all_ , causing Beca to get even grumpier. “Can’t I just be glad you realized he’s actually a very nice man after all these years?”

“Of course he’s a nice man, mom,” Beca rolled her eyes, putting the vegetables in water to boil. “If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have gotten you and Elizabeth to marry him.”

Eleanor belly-laughed at that and took a sip of wine. “Maybe you’re right. Or maybe I was just in it for the money, you never know.”

“ _Now_ , who’s being ridiculous?” Beca smirked, earning herself a pinch to her side.

They worked in silence for a little while before her mom spoke up again.

“You know,” Eleanor started and Beca took a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever was coming. “I meant it when I said what you’re doing is very nice. Not only for Stacie but everyone, really.”

“Like, feeding everyone?” Beca said, cutting onions with a little more force than necessary.

She was always very good at deflecting.

“No,” Eleanor answered, with the endless patience she always showed when Beca was acting particularly dense. “Hosting Thanksgiving because Stacie can’t travel. Emily can’t stop gushing about how much you’ve helped her career. And don’t even get me started on Chloe.”

Beca decided it was better to stop handling a recently-sharpened knife, laying it down and grabbing her mead mug. “What about Chloe?” she asked, taking a big gulp.

“ _Beca,_ ” her mom stopped whipping the potatoes to look at her. Beca wished she didn’t because it always made her feel like she could see right through her and it was an unsettling feeling, intensified by her tipsy state. “You know I’ve always loved Chloe and the Beales was always really nice to all of us. But there was also a lot of... I wanna say, benign neglect?”

Beca knew that. There was never a question about if Chloe’s parents loved her or not but there were always some spaces left vacant in that affection. Her father had cut her off — financially speaking — because she refused to do as he told her to, for crying out loud! It was that kind of crappy attitude Beca could see it weighed on Chloe from time to time.

“I was honestly surprised when you told me she ran out of her own wedding. Didn’t know she had it in her,” Eleanor smiled softly. “And the fact you took her in and helped her get back on her feet? It made me so proud,” Beca felt her cheeks heating up and drank a little more so she could blame it on the alcohol. “It was a testament on how strong your love for her was back then and I’m overjoyed that you’re getting a second chance at it.”

“Mom,” Beca said, looking at her a little wide-eyed, heart beating wildly in her chest for some reason. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you’re in love with her, Bug,” Eleanor stated matter-of-factly. “Aren’t you?”

//

Beca’s mom shooed her away to the balcony with a plastic cup after she ended up dropping her mead mug, breaking it, and splattering her drink all over the floor. Her mind was reeling — a little from the alcohol, a lot from her mom’s words — and she was having a hard time focusing on something other than the question swirling inside her head.

_Did she love Chloe? Was she… in_ **_love_ ** _with her?_

Without her permission, Beca’s mind started digging up some old memories. The first time she ever remembered seeing Chloe was a couple of weeks into her first semester at Barden. She was sitting on the bleachers at the football field, twiddling her thumbs, waiting for Stacie to finish soccer practice so she could drive them home when the cheerleaders arrived a little early for their practice.

And, back then, Beca had already considered the fact that she wasn’t as straight as society hoped she would be but the first time she saw Chloe’s toned legs and abs all on display because of her cheer uniform she knew it for sure. There was _no way_ she couldn’t like girls when they looked like _that_.

Things would have been okay if all Chloe had ever been was Beca’s first wake-up call to her sexuality. Unfortunately, she became so much more than that. She became a constant fixture in Beca’s life. She became Beca’s ride to and from school on Monday, Wednesday and every other Friday as her and Stacie started a carpool system (and she would _always_ sing along to the radio and she had _such_ a nice voice and—)

Beca sighed, rubbing her hands over her face, frustrated. She had been hopeless. Chloe would always greet Beca chirpily whenever she saw her in the hallway. She was one of the few people who wouldn’t get annoyed with Beca’s constant drumming.

Developing a crush on her had been pretty much unavoidable.

It was both a blessing and a curse when Chloe graduated and became _less_ of a constant fixture in her life. Even though they kept seeing each other from time to time at charity events and every other high society event Beca’s father managed to drag her to, Beca thought she had done a pretty good job of keeping her feelings in check. She thought that if they were ever in each other’s lives again, those feelings would be long gone, that she wouldn’t get blindsided by them like she had the first time.

Boy, was she wrong.

Beca definitely _wasn’t_ prepared for Chloe to run out of her wedding and fall right back in her life again. For her to integrate herself even more deeply in Beca’s life than she had the first time. For her to cause such an upheaval on Beca’s lifestyle.

And for Beca to _like_ it. Scratch that, for her to _love_ it.

She loved all the changes Chloe had brought to her life; the fact she had helped Beca fix her relationship with her father, helped her with Emily, Stacie, even her relationship with her boss was much better because Chloe had changed _her_ for the better. Beca loved it.

Oh, _crap_ , her mom was right. She loved Chloe. She was _so_ in love with Chloe.

“Hey Becs,” Beca was brought out of her reverie by none other than Chloe herself, who knocked on the balcony’s window to get her attention. “Everyone’s ready to eat. Are you coming?”

Beca took one last gulp of the water glass her mom had forced in her hand before shooing her away, hoping it would calm her nerves.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I’ll be right out, Chlo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	10. The One With The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stacie's due date gives Beca the final push to finally sit down and talk to Chloe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to my dear Pepper as a belated birthday present. Love you, old lady! <3
> 
> Full disclosure: I gave Andy permission to go nuts on the angst for this one. You have been warned. Thanks dude!
> 
> Fun reading to y'all :)

Beca woke up with a start.

Her body was buzzing with excitement and her mind was already running a mile an hour but her thoughts were too jumbled to be coherent; why was she awake at… _5:47 AM?_ Beca groaned. She needed to go back to sleep. She closed her eyes again, settling against Chloe’s warm body — her brain was too tired to overthink — when it clicked.

_Today was the day._

Beca knew it was weird for her to be so happy about this but she was so ready to have her room back — no more sleepless nights with Chloe cuddled up against her back — not having to constantly give foot and backrubs to Stacie _and_ the added bonus of a cute little baby to spoil, she felt like her excitement was justified.

There was no way she could go back to sleep now.

“Happy due date!” Beca greeted a sleepy Chloe chirpily, unable to contain her glee, hours later.

“What?” Chloe rubbed her face, confusion furrowing her brows.

“Stacie’s due date! It’s today!” Beca did a happy dance before opening the fridge. “Pancakes?”

“Sure,” Chloe gave her a funny stare. “You’re way too happy about this.”

“Eh,” Beca shrugged, closing the fridge with her hip. “I’m just so ready for all of this to be _over_.”

“Careful, Becs, the way you’re talking you’re making it sound like you don’t enjoy my cuddles,” Chloe teased her, causing Beca’s heart to constrict in her chest; _she has no idea._ “It’s gonna hurt my feelings.”

“Can I make it up to you with bacon and eggs?” she hoped Chloe couldn’t see how pained her smile was. Beca relaxed a little when she spotted Stacie waddling out of her room. “Good morning, sunshine! Happy due date!”

Stacie’s answering groan wasn’t enough to diminish Beca’s excitement. “You’re cheery. Cut it out, I hate it.”

Beca rolled her eyes, but her smile remained. “I’m making pancakes. Do you want any?”

“Blueberry?” she arched an eyebrow at Beca, still grumpy.

“What else?”

“I take it back, I love you,” Stacie smiled brightly at her and Beca chuckled, her previous sadness about Chloe retreating to the back of her mind.

She knew this pregnancy hadn’t been easy on her sister, on top of dealing with her fresh separation and an asshole of an ex-husband — who, for some reason beyond Beca’s understanding, was dragging his feet with the divorce, adding a lot of unnecessary stress to the process. Beca could handle the mood swings and to lose her bed and privacy and good night’s sleep if it meant she could help make things better for Stacie.

“Are you excited about it, Stace?” Chloe asked, taking a sip of the coffee Beca had poured for her.

“Yeah,” Stacie sighed. “But I loved these last nine months, y’know? It’s been so much fun.”

“Maybe for _you_ ,” Beca mumbled under her breath, ducking when Stacie hit her with a dishcloth. “Hey! No hitting the chef!”

“ _Anyway_ ,” her sister said, glaring at her. “I just want to take a moment and thank you guys for how great you’ve been during this time. It really meant a lot to me.”

“It was our pleasure,” Chloe smiled, poking Beca before she could crack another sarcastic remark. “Is there anything you’re gonna miss about being pregnant?”

“Having Beca cater to my every whim,” Beca rolled her eyes as Stacie smirked, turning off the stove. “See? So well-behaved,” she said when Beca plated her pancakes.

“Fuck off,” Beca grumbled, back to her grumpy self. “You’re the worst.”

“But you love me!” Stacie sing-song before eating a bite of her breakfast.

Beca rolled her eyes again for good measure, but it was true; she loved Stacie and she was already head over heels with her niece or nephew. She couldn’t wait to meet them.

//

But, apparently, _they_ could wait to meet Beca; December 6th came and went without Stacie showing _any_ signs of labor, putting her and everybody around her even more on edge than they had been.

“I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my entire life!” Stacie whined from Beca’s couch, from where she hadn’t moved all day. “Get out! Get out, get out, get out!”

“You know, you could scream louder, I don’t think they heard you,” Beca said, earning herself the deadliest glare Stacie could muster.

“Do you want me to come and sit on you? Because I will,” she growled.

Beca just ignored her, getting up to get _another_ sweater for herself. She was freezing her ass off since she gave Stacie control over the thermostat because her sister kept bitching about being hot even though they were fast approaching winter. On her way back, she stopped by the kitchen where Chloe, wearing a thick hoodie, was making cocoa.

“Any chance you can throw some rum in there?” Beca asked, hopeful.

She could use some alcohol to help her handle Stacie's foul mood.

“This is not for you,” Chloe said pointedly. “It’s for Stacie. I read a study saying that spices can induce labor.”

Beca turned her nose up as she watched Chloe add nutmeg and chipotle powder to the recipe. “Or, y’know, I can hold her nose, you blow her mouth and maybe the kid will pop out of her and I can have some _decent_ cocoa.”

“Beca,” Chloe’s tone was halfway between amused and admonishing.

Beca simply smirked, holding her hands up in surrender. She lingered in the kitchen, though, not ready to go back and face Stacie’s moodiness by herself. She kept watching as Chloe stirred the chocolate; the way she split her focus between the recipe and the instructions, how her brows furrowed and nose crinkled in concentration and she bit her lip, humming to herself before deciding to add yet another spice to it.

It was enthralling. The way Chloe moved, everything about her, was mesmerizing to Beca and now that she had finally acknowledged her feelings, she could honestly admit — to herself, at least — she had always felt that way about Chloe.

Her mother was right. Beca had been blown away by Chloe from day one and their time as roommates had not only brought those feelings to the forefront of Beca’s mind but it had also intensified them; they were no longer juvenile affections towards Chloe’s looks and how beautiful her voice was as she belted out to songs on the radio.

These were full-fledged feelings deeply rooted in the way Chloe made her feel; the way Beca could see how her life was much better because Chloe was in it, _because_ of Chloe. The way Beca wanted to share everything with Chloe; her life, her family, her heart.

Fifteen-year-old Beca would have bristled at sounding so corny and refused to acknowledge the feelings until they blew up in her face; a classic. Twenty-five-year-old Beca might have done the same if it were a couple of months ago. She would have been afraid of what those feelings meant.

“All right, it’s done!” Chloe exclaimed, her smile faltering a little when she caught Beca staring. “What?”

Unfortunately, Beca couldn’t see the same thing reflected in Chloe’s eyes. Quite the opposite, actually.

“Nothing,” she said instead, forcing out a smile.

Looked like some things would have to remain unsaid for now.

//

"Can I tell you guys something without you judging me too much?" Beca asked her friends on a blissful Stacie-free afternoon.

She and Chloe had gone on a walk since according to the doctor that was supposed to help. Beca honestly hoped so.

"No promises, Shortstack," Amy said. "But proceed."

Beca rolled her eyes, clearing her throat before speaking up. "You guys know I love Stacie, right?" the girls just gave her a blank stare. "And I love having her here."

"But…?" Cynthia-Rose prompted when she didn't continue.

"But if this kid doesn't come out soon I'm grabbing a scalpel and taking it out myself," Beca finished, bracing herself for the backlash. "Seriously, I can't take it anymore."

Amy and CR guffawed, easing some of Beca's tension, but Emily frowned, twisting her lips.

"It can't be that bad, Beca," she said.

"Oh, but it is," Beca said. "The other day she yelled at me for 'breathing too loud'. Everything I do seems to annoy her! The woman's gone mad."

"I'm sure giraffe legs just isn't all that comfortable lugging around a ten-pound bowling ball all day, Shawshank," Amy pointed out. "Cut her some slack."

"All her stressing and _nesting_ and awful mood swings are driving me up a wall!" Beca was agitated. "And, y'know, I'd like to be able to control my thermostat again. And have a beer at the end of the day watching something _other_ than Keeping Up With the Kardashians. And my bed! I miss my bed, man," Beca was acutely aware she was whining and felt her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

"Does this make me an awful person? Am I the worst sister ever?"

"No," Emily and Cynthia-Rose said at the same time Amy said, "Yes."

"You're just stressed, cap," CR said, swiftly kicking Amy in the shin. "You're not a bad person."

Beca sighed, rubbing her hands over her face in frustration; she had been very stressed, yes, and the last few days seemed to have blended together is a blurry mess of chaos. It didn't make her feel any less guilty about wanting things to go back to normal, though.

“How are things with Chloe?” Emily asked in a clear attempt to change the subject. “Have you guys talked yet?”

Beca held in a groan; Chloe was a subject she wanted to discuss even less than her not wanting to be around Stacie anymore.

“Talked about what?” Amy and Cynthia-Rose asked simultaneously, causing Beca to glare at Emily; she had yet to tell them about what happened and she knew they would make a big deal out of the fact she had hidden their kiss from them.

“Nothing,” Beca snapped.

“They kissed,” Emily supplied at the same time.

“Legacy!” Beca hissed in annoyance.

“Shawshank,” Amy said in mock-seriousness. “You and Lady in Red? Called it.”

Cynthia-Rose whistled. “Way to go, mister DJ.”

“There’s nothing to know!” Beca screeched. “It was just a kiss!”

“And then didn’t talk about it,” Emily followed-up, earning another glare from Beca. “Chloe doesn’t want to.”

“ _Emily,_ ” Beca hissed. “Shut up.”

“Why doesn’t she want to?” Cynthia-Rose continued asking and Beca sighed; it looked like they were going to continue down that road. “Did you do something wrong?”

“Are you a bad kisser?”

“You guys are the worst,” Beca grumbled, crossing her arms in a protective manner against her chest. “We just didn’t have time to talk, that’s all. We’ve both been busy.”

“Yeah, but that was, like, two months ago, right?” Emily asked. “Have you guys been busy this whole time?”

“Beca Jr. has a point, Shortstack,” Amy said. “You couldn’t take five minutes to get your shit together and pound it out? Some lady-lover you are.”

Cynthia-Rose snorted and Beca rolled her eyes. She had the worst friends. Unfortunately, they sort of had a point; Chloe couldn’t take a couple of minutes from her day to just sit down with Beca and talk about what their kiss had meant? She knew Chloe was busy with her new teaching job but the fact that so much time had passed and they still hadn’t talked was worrisome.

Beca took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension out of her body; all this uncertainty was killing her. It was time she tried to talk to Chloe again.

Her phone buzzed on the center table with a text from Chloe herself and Beca wondered if she had some sort of spidey-sense to know she was being talked about.

**Chloe (12:34 PM):** _Stacie’s water broke, meet us at the hospital!_

//

Despite being relieved at the fact Stacie was finally going into labor, Beca was still a jittery mess by the time they got to the hospital. There were so many things spinning around inside her mind; was the baby going to be okay? Was the labor going to be as stressful as the videos they had been forced to watch during Lamaze classes? Should she really grow a pair and try and talk to Chloe about her feelings again?

Why did everything have to happen at the same time, giving Beca whiplash?

She met up with Stacie and Chloe at the nurse’s station.

“Hi! I'm Stacie Conrad, and I have a baby coming out of me,” Stacie greeted the nurse, causing Beca and Chloe to snort.

“Okay,” the nurse sounded amused. “Have you started having contractions?”

“A little, yeah.”

“They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds,” Chloe supplied and Beca’s eyes widened; she didn’t know it was happening so fast.

“ _Dude,_ ” she whispered. “We should have come earlier.”

“We were _busy,_ ” Chloe whispered back, causing Beca to frown.

“Busy with what?”

Before Chloe could answer — not that Beca thought she was going to — the nurse put Stacie on a wheelchair to get her to the labor room, thrusting a clipboard in Beca’s hand so she could fill in the health insurance information and Chloe made herself scarce by following Stacie to the room.

She couldn’t have made it clearer the fact that she was avoiding Beca and it stung; unfortunately for her, it only served to further Beca's resolve to talk about their unfinished business.

//

Beca opened the door to Stacie’s room to find Chloe coaching her through a contraction.

“Breathe, breathe, breathe... Good.”

“Hey,” she greeted, closing the door behind her. “Brought some ice chips.”

“Thanks,” Stacie croaked out.

Chloe smiled at her but Beca could see an edge of… _something_ behind it, that she couldn’t quite place. “Alright, I’ll be right back.”

Beca waited until the door closed behind her to roll her eyes and huff. “Could she make it any more obvious that she’s avoiding me?”

Stacie’s laugh sounded more like a groan. “Yeah, sorry about that. It’s kind of my fault.”

“How come?”

“We got to talking at the park and I kind of mentioned your kiss?” Stacie grimaced. “She froze up and tried to change the subject when my water broke. I used it to my advantage to get her talking, though.”

“ _What?!”_ Beca cried. “I-wha-Stacie! What did she say?”

“That’s not really up to me to tell you, B,” Stacie’s voice was muffled by the ice chip she was sucking on. “You two need to talk.”

“How can I talk to her when she keeps fleeing every time I walk into a room?” Beca grumbled, annoyed.

It wasn’t like she wasn’t _trying._ Chloe was just making things difficult for her.

“I’m giving you permission, go,” Stacie said. “Get Emily in here or something. I’ll be fine. But I don’t want my kid to learn your avoidance techniques fresh out of the womb.”

“Hey!”

“ _Go!”_

//

Leaving Stacie in Emily's capable-enough hands, Beca went in search of Fat Amy and Cynthia-Rose, she didn’t want any interruptions or distractions so she would have to make sure they made themselves scarce. With her wallet a few twenties lighter she sent them off to the cafeteria to round up dinner and snacks for the rest of the night. 

After a brief moment of hesitation and a calming breath, she found Chloe sitting in one of the back row chairs of the waiting room, typing away on her phone. Taking one last deep, reassuring breath, Beca strode to her, flopping down on the chair next to her.

“We can’t keep meeting like this,” she quipped, doing her best to hide the tremor in her voice. 

“Beca!” Chloe gasped, a hand rising to her chest as if to calm her racing heartbeat. “Wha- Why aren’t you with Stacie?”

“She kicked me out,” Beca said, noticing the way Chloe’s shoulders tensed and straightened her spine. “So we could talk.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Beca blew out a breath, trying to look into Chloe’s eyes but she kept them stubbornly trained on her lap. “What’s happening, Chloe? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” Chloe protested, unconvincingly.

“Yeah?” Beca’s rebuttal dripped with sarcasm. “Then why are you avoiding me?” she asked harsher than she intended.

Chloe sagged against the hard-backed, plastic chair. She bit her lip and looked away.

“Is this because we kissed?” she asked in a whisper. Beca felt her heart constricting inside her chest when she heard Chloe sniffle.

“Please don’t cry,” Beca pleaded, feeling out of place; a crying Chloe would always throw her off her game no matter what. “I don’t want to make you cry.”

“You’re not making me cry,” Chloe rasped. 

Beca let out a humorless snort. 

“Tell that to your face, dude,” she said gently. She reached for Chloe’s clenched hands, tugging on them until Chloe finally allowed her to hold them. She brushed her thumb back and forth over her knuckles in a soothing gesture. “Come on, talking is good, or whatever. You taught me that.”

A smile that didn't quite reach her eyes tugged at the corners of Chloe's mouth as she turned to look at Beca. It tugged at Beca’s heartstrings to see those piercing blue eyes she had come to love sparkling with tears yet to be shed. There was so much misery and pain swimming around in Chloe’s eyes it broke something deep inside Beca's chest. 

“What’s going on?” she repeated the question.

“I…” Chloe blew out a breath, her voice wavering. “I can't lose you, Bec.”

“Lose me? Why would you lose me?”

_“Beca,”_ Chloe sighed tiredly, “I know you have a crush on me. You don’t have a good poker face. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in you like that too but—”

“You think I have a _crush_ on you?” Beca interrupted, a sudden rush of anger bubbling inside her chest.

“You _don’t_ have a crush on me?” Chloe deadpanned, eyebrows arched.

“Chloe, I love you. I'm _in love_ with you. This goes so far beyond a crush by now." 

Beca's words hung in the air between them leaving Beca's lips without a second thought and taking with them the heavyweight she'd been carrying around for weeks now.

“You _what?_ ”

“I love you,” Beca repeated, earnestly. “I’ve always, _maybe,_ been infatuated with you, yes, but over this past year, with us living together… Of course, I fell in love with you, Chlo. How could I not?”

“Beca…” Chloe sounded on the verge of tears again. “We, we can’t. I don’t—can’t. I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. You could never lose, Chloe.”

“Of course I could, Beca!” Chloe exclaimed exasperated. “This could all blow over! And then what? You- you get to go on with your life and what do I get? I’ll lose everything, _again,_ and I… I can’t do it.”

“So you’re not gonna give us a chance because you’re too _scared?”_ Beca spoke through the knot that had formed in her throat her voice tight, wavering with unshed tears. She wanted to reassure Chloe, placate her fears that Beca would ever walk away but the fight had suddenly left her body. 

“I can’t risk it, Beca, I’m sorry,” with tears running down her face unimpeded, Chloe got up, rushing out of the hospital before Beca could think about stopping her. 

Defeat settled atop Beca’s shoulders, keeping her rooted in place staring at the empty space beside her. 

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to a playlist inspired by this fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/79RLtxbBsv17VJIBWZnNaF?si=do7ImQIlQwy3kVPGiXCZNQ and find me on tumblr and twitter @snowonebutyou


	11. The One With Chloe's Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe's break allows her to have some time alone with her thoughts to put everything in perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got some wonderful news today so i thought i'd share a new chapter with you guys! we're almost at the homestretch, i can't really believe this. thank you everyone who came along for the ride hope y'all enjoy this one! and ofc thanks to andy for being the best beta ever.

Chloe hissed as the freshly-brewed coffee burned her tongue, the sharp sting as she swallowed was more than worth it. 

She was _tired._

That kind of deeply rooted, bottomless weariness that no amount of coffee could cure. She felt like she could sleep for a year. It was now Boxing Day, she had been back at her parents’ house and on break from her choir-teaching job for almost two weeks now. And yet, she hadn’t been able to shake off her exhaustion.

The past couple of months had been nothing but hectic.

Chloe had finally found a job she could see herself doing for the foreseeable future — she had no idea she was so passionate about teaching. But there was something about throwing a new challenge at her students and seeing each of them come up with their own solutions for their problems that was oddly inspiring.

And between getting her student in shape in time for their Winter Concert — they sang Muna's Winterbreak at Beca's suggestion; it was amazing and the proud look on Beca's face when she heard the finished project was something that would be forever engraved in Chloe's mind — setting up a nursery at Stacie's apartment — Beca, Chloe and Emily took turns going with Stacie to Lamaze classes and putting together a crib, a changing table and a closet in the freshly-painted room Warren and Elizabeth helped set up (and getting doubles of everything to leave at Beca’s, just in case) — and the general end-of-the-year rush between Thanksgiving and Christmas, buying presents for everyone and getting their apartment and her classroom decorated, Chloe thought her tiredness was justified.

That wasn't all, though.

Chloe was also feeling emotionally tired and she knew that was what was taking the biggest toll on her. And yes, she saw the irony in the fact she had been telling Beca all this time that she shouldn't keep her feelings bottled up and hidden away, and yet that was exactly what she was doing — what she had done most of her life.

Chloe had learned from a young age that, as long as she did everything that was expected of her — from her parents, her teachers, and the upper echelon of society they were a part of — she would always have a place to stay. Somewhere she belonged. She knew her parents loved her but she also knew their love had its limitations so she never felt inclined to test those boundaries.

Well, except for a couple of times.

Sometimes, Chloe's feelings couldn't stay hidden away no matter how hard she tried. Sometimes, they sneaked their way past Chloe's carefully built facade, making her do things she wouldn't normally do — like coming out as bisexual during her junior year of high school even though she was dating the _male_ captain of the football team (she was sure that was the only thing that kept her parents, mainly her father, from disowning her back then) and, most recently, running out on her wedding with the most coveted heir of Manhattan (and her father _did_ disown her after that so it had been only a matter of time, after all).

Keeping a tight hold on her feelings was tiring, though. Chloe knew that. She had been carrying that tiredness around with her for most of her life; the only time she felt like she could truly be herself and let her feelings run freely was after she moved in with Beca.

_Beca._

Beca Mitchell had made an impression on Chloe long before they were ever friends; despite living pretty much the same lifestyle Chloe did, Beca never really conformed to the little boxes people tried so hard to fit her into. When she wasn't scowling her way through a charity function, she was smirking, her beautiful midnight-blue eyes framed by the sharpest eyeliner Chloe had ever seen and her ears adorned by an assortment of hoops and spikes that had always been the talk amongst the women who always fawned over Chloe's perfectly tied curls and crisp dresses.

Chloe sniffled, surreptitiously wiping away her tears before they had a chance to fall. Chester looked up at the sounds, woofing lightly from his position by the kitchen counter, where he was keeping Chloe company while she whipped up some breakfast.

"I'm okay, buddy," she said but her raspy voice and wavering tone weren't enough to convince him. "I'm trying, okay?"

Truth was, she missed Beca. Desperately. Every fiber of her being longed to be back in New York at their apartment, lounging on the couch watching old tv shows and cartoons, eating take-out, drinking beer, and laughing themselves silly. Beca had been such an integral part of her life over the past year that something felt off about not having her around.

And that was her own damn fault.

Chloe felt so stupid. She had spent the last couple of months so afraid of losing Beca if they gave in to their desires and, in the end, she lost her anyway. Beca's words had been echoing in the back of her mind ever since that afternoon at the hospital.

_It's not a crush. I love you._

In hindsight, Chloe should have expected them; she had been watching Beca closely since they kissed, how she reacted to Chloe's presence, her words and attitudes. How her whole body would relax from its tense posture when Chloe laughed. The way her eyes sparkled when Chloe cracked a joke. How her tone would soften when talking to her.

Her phone buzzed, startling Chloe out of her reverie. She set her coffee down, reaching for it, heart rate picking up slightly at the possibility that it might be Beca.

**Bree (11:11 AM):** _Picking up the bagels now. Be there soon!_

Of course, it wasn't Beca. Chloe knew it wouldn’t be and yet her heart pang painfully in her chest with disappointment. They hadn't spoken ever since Chloe left which, frankly, sucked. But Chloe guessed Aubrey would be able to pick up her spirits a little bit. She had always been good at that.

She poured the rest of the coffee on a thermos to preserve its warmth and plated the sausages and hash browns, putting them next to the leftover gingerbread cookies and french toast. Her parents had left earlier that morning for the annual ski trip to Vail, leaving Chloe behind after she refused their invitation to join them. So she invited Aubrey over, trying to make the most out of having her best friend close by for the holidays.

The doorbell rang and Chloe rushed to answer it, followed closely by Chester, excited at the prospect of seeing Aubrey for the first time in a while. Well, technically she had seen her last night but it had been such a whirlwind of emotional catharsis that they didn't really have time to catch up.

"Good morning, sunshine,” Aubrey smirked, handing over the bagels. "You're the talk of the town again."

Chloe rolled her eyes, annoyed. "Those old bags don't have anything better to talk about?"

Aubrey raised an eyebrow at her, a smirk growing. "Old bags? You've been corrupted by that hobbit, I see."

" _Bree,_ " Chloe warned, placing the bagels on the table.

"Sorry, _Beca,_ " she teased and Chloe smiled despite her annoyance. She had missed their easy banter. "You have to admit, though, what happened yesterday _is_ news-worthy."

"Can't a girl go to her ex's Christmas party with no date whatsoever just to prove a point?" Chloe's lips curled up in a proud smile.

Aubrey's eyes sparkled in amusement. "You did way more than that, Chloe."

Aubrey was right. Chloe didn't know what had possessed her — maybe it was the challenging tone in her father's voice, daring her to go face Tom after running out on their wedding. Or maybe it had been the fact she could hear Beca's voice so clearly in her head, telling her to go and stand up for herself, to stop being afraid. It definitely had something to do with the fact that Chloe was _tired_ of letting fear get in the way of her living her life the way she really wanted — but she knew that going to that party had been good for her.

"How did it feel?" Aubrey asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Amazing," Chloe admitted, buttering up her bagel before eating it. "I felt so… powerful? Like I was actually in control of my life. I haven't felt that way in such a long time," she took a long sip of her coffee, letting the events of the night before wash over her once more as a sense of resolution took over. "And going back made me realize something."

Aubrey cocked her head to the side, eyeing Chloe expectantly.

“I _hate_ that life,” Chloe admitted, feeling the knot she didn't even realize had taken up residence in her chest start to dissipate. "I hate the phony smiles, the pretenses, the little mind games. It's all so fake!"

Aubrey hummed, showing no signs of shock at Chloe’s outburst. "Are you sure this isn't just Beca's influence?" 

"No," Chloe said, surprising even herself with how surely she sounded. "This isn't about her, Bree. It's about me. How I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not just to please my parents and their fancy little friends. I'm tired of living in fear of doing one thing too many that my parents won't approve of and have them just cut me out of their lives for good. I'm just…" she sighed, rubbing her face in frustration. "I'm just tired."

The night before had really opened Chloe's eyes to everything: how she hated the fakeness and the way people said mean things with a smile on their faces. It made her life so stressful, always wondering who was being honest and who was just pretending while saying the worst things behind her back. All of that only made her miss Beca even more. Genuine, take-no-bullshit Beca Mitchell who had always been her own person, never taking anyone's crap and always saying what was on her mind.

Aubrey placed a hand over Chloe's, smiling sympathetically.

"I'm proud of you, Chloe," she said serenely, surprising Chloe. "I really am."

"You are?" Chloe frowned, confused by where the conversation was going.

"Of course," Aubrey stated matter-of-factly. "Look at how far you've come! You're facing your fears head-first, knowing what you want and doing things for you and not anyone else. So far removed from the scared, anxious woman I had to help climb out the bathroom window so she could escape her own wedding," they both laughed and Chloe felt herself calming down at Aubrey's soothing tone. "You're going to be okay."

"Thanks, Bree," Chloe let out a watery smile, feeling herself getting emotional at the amount of support her best friend was offering. "I really wanna be this person. Who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after it."

"You're getting there," Aubrey assured her. "One day at a time."

Chloe nodded, still a bit unsure, though; she wasn't sure how many days she had left before her fears prevented her from going after what she wanted yet again.

//

Aubrey and Chloe were having a Christmas movie marathon as they did back in high school but Chloe’s mind kept drifting off; instead of focusing on Scrooge’s journey to becoming a better man, she kept thinking about Beca. About how, not unlike Scrooge, Chloe had become a much better person because of Beca.

If it wasn’t for Beca, Chloe would have probably ended up back in Long Island with her parents, forced to face yet another failure in their eyes and getting her soul chipped away with each passing day. If it wasn’t for Beca, Chloe wouldn’t have gotten all the temp jobs she did, searching for the one that would make her stick around.

If it wasn’t for Beca, Chloe simply wouldn’t have tried.

She was absentmindedly scrolling through her Instagram feed, having given up on trying to pay attention to the movie. She stopped at a picture posted by Emily, featuring Beca, Stacie, and baby Bella — Chloe cried when she found out it was a girl — wearing matching candy cane onesies.

**@emjunk_** _spending Christmas with these cuties! #bellasfirstchristmas_

It was a simple picture but it was enough to make Chloe’s heart ache with longing; it pained her to be missing so much, to be so far away from where she really wanted to be. 

“You really missed them, don’t you?” Aubrey’s question was soft but it startled Chloe regardless; she hadn’t noticed she had paused the movie and was now looking at her.

“So much,” Chloe whispered, tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. “I miss them so, so much, Bree.”

Aubrey smiled sympathetically. “What do you miss the most?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you miss the most? About your life in New York?”

That one was easy. Chloe didn’t even have to think about her answer. “Beca. I miss Beca.”

Aubrey arched an eyebrow at her, smirking slightly. “The hobbit? Really?”

“Yeah, Aubrey, _really,”_ Chloe rolled her eyes at her best friend. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but she cares so much, you know? About everyone. She takes care of people, she helps them, and not because she has some hidden agenda she needs to fulfill. She just _cares_.” She sighed, the ache in her chest tugging at her heart painfully. “I really miss that.”

“I’m sure she misses you too, Chlo,” Aubrey’s words elicited a disbelieving snort from Chloe. “I’m serious.”

“She hates me, Bree,” Chloe said despondently. “You should have seen the look on her face when I told her I couldn’t do it. She hates me.”

“Chloe, I paid enough attention in high school to see the way she mooned over you. If those feelings have matured, then I’m a hundred percent certain Beca does _not_ hate you.” Aubrey was adamant. “Now, if you miss her and she misses you—”

“I don’t know if she misses me,” Chloe mumbled, earning herself a patented Aubrey Posen glare. “I don’t! She hasn’t said anything, Bree. No calls, no texts, no nothing.”

“Did you?” Aubrey arched a defiant eyebrow at her. “Call her? Or text her?”

Chloe resisted the urge to cross her arms and pout. It wasn’t really fair to argue with a lawyer.

“Chloe, the only thing that matters now is if your reasons are still reasons,” Chloe furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“What?”

“Your reasons for not being with Beca,” she explained. “Are they still there? Are they why you’re here, crying over Instagram pictures with me, instead of where you really want to be?”

Chloe hadn’t stopped to think about that. She hadn’t stopped to think about anything if she was being honest. In the past few weeks, she had just been going through the motions, not really paying attention to what she was doing or where she was going. All she could focus on was Beca’s confession. But now that she had some resemblance of normalcy back in her life, Chloe knew Aubrey had a good point.

She just needed a little more time to figure out the answer to her question.


	12. The One With The New Year’s Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca reflects upon her year and about how she wants the next one to unfold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much to everybody who came along for the ride with me on this one, I had such a fun time writing it. It certainly gave me something to distract myself from this awful pandemic we’re still going through.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this last one!

“Becaw!” Jesse called out as he opened the door to Beca’s apartment. “Amy’s asking about the beers.”

“She bought more beers?” Emily arched an eyebrow, impressed.

“No, but she thinks Beca’s hiding some like she did with the wine on Thanksgiving.”

Beca rolled her eyes, sighing. Amy will never let her live that down since she found her hidden drinks’ stashed away in the linen closet.

“I did but don’t tell her that,” she pointed a finger at Jesse. “I mean it, Swanson. Don’t want anyone getting too drunk and falling off the roof.”

Jesse lifted his hands up in surrender. “Didn’t hear anything.”

It made Beca smile a little; he was a good guy. They all were, honestly, good friends. Each and every one of them had been doing their best, in their own way, to keep Beca from thinking about Chloe. There was only so much they could do however, her heartbreak fresh and on the forefront of her mind constantly. Nonetheless, it warmed Beca’s heart to see how much they were trying. For her.

“You know she would just trick Legacy into drinking those extra ones, right?” Stacie whispered next to her on the couch, a mischievous grin on her face.

“Not. Helping,” Beca growled, glaring at her sister.

They were trying so much they had even planned a New Year’s Eve party on their building’s roof in an unsubtle attempt to not leave Beca alone and try to trick her into going to the party. She had vehemently denied, of course, the perfect excuse of helping Stacie and babysit Bella in her hands after she couldn’t dodge their invites anymore.

She wasn’t feeling up to being around a bunch of drunk people shouting and dancing, anyway.

Her excuses, however, didn’t keep her very insistent friends out of her apartment. It never had, if she was being honest. They had flooded her kitchen with stuff for the party — food, drinks, ice coolers, balloons, glittery hats, whistleblowers, and an undescriptive, smelly box Amy had stacked under the counter from her friend Lilly that Beca was afraid to ask what was inside. 

They also kept trying to trick her into agreeing to go to the party but she wasn’t relenting.

“Emily, stop hovering,” Beca growled at her, pinning her down with a dirty look. “I know you guys have everything already.”

“I’m not hovering!” Emily squeaked, her wide eyes giving her away. “I’m just… checking on Bella.”

“She’s clean, she’s fed, she’s sleeping,” Beca rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing to check.”

“Are you sure?” Emily asked. “Because I could keep her for a while if you wanted to—”

“ _Legacy,”_ she hissed, interrupting her. “I’ve told you. I’m not going to the party.”

“I know,” she bit her bottom lip nervously. “Sorry. I’m just worried about you, Beca, we all are. You haven’t even left the apartment since Bella was born.”

It was true. If it were any other time, Beca would have thrown herself in her work to nurse her broken heart, but the studio was closed for the holidays and Stacie needed help with Bella. So Beca had been living in a dazed state of midnight feedings, burped-on clothes, and lullabies for the past two weeks, her sister and niece living in her room instead of their apartment across the street and she slept out on the couch.

(She hadn’t gone into Chloe’s room since she left). 

“I know, Em,” Beca’s voice broke despite her attempt to stay strong so she sucked in a deep breath. “But I’m trying, alright? And part of me trying is staying here with Bella and Stacie while you guys go and have a good time, okay? So, please. Let me.”

“Okay,” Emily said softly, a hand resting on Beca’s shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “If you need anything, you know where to find us.”

“I do," Beca gave her a small smile. "Now, don’t let Amy trick you into alcohol poisoning!” she shouted at Emily’s retreating back.

“I won’t!”

//

Beca closed her bedroom door as gently as she could, as to not disturbed her sleeping sister and niece; after everybody left, Beca suggested Stacie laid down for a moment with Bella while they waited for the ball to drop so they could ring in the new year.

From the sounds of their soft snores, however, it seemed to Beca that she would be ringing the new year by herself.

It didn’t really bother Beca, being alone. She had been alone most of her life; sure, she had people around, people she cared for and loved, but she also — as Chloe so astutely pointed out a while back — kept them at a safe distance, never allowing them to get too close. She was fine that way, it allowed her to always be in control so she couldn’t get hurt. Even from a young age, Beca had been afraid of reignless, overwhelming emotions, the ones that took your breath away and there was no way to stop.

It wasn’t until Chloe sneakily got past her barriers that Beca fully realized how lonely living like that was.

_Chloe._

Beca missed her desperately. Her heart panged painfully inside her chest every time she thought about her.

She wasn’t mad at her for having fled; after the initial shock faded out, Beca realized Chloe’s reaction had not only been natural but completely justified. Beca herself would have reacted that way if the situation had happened to her a couple of months ago. What baffled Beca was how someone who had been so supportive of her, gently coaxing her into becoming a better, braver person, could be so scared of doing the same for herself.

It was frustrating.

Beca kept thinking about what her mom had said at Thanksgiving, about being surprised that Chloe had run out at her own wedding, going against everybody in her life. _I didn’t know she had it in her_. It took Beca a while to realize but now that she had time to stop and think about it, she knew this fear — it was the same fear that had Beca pushing people away, raising walls around her heart to keep it safe; that had her throwing herself into music to avoid feeling whatever she was feeling because beats and basslines were things she could control.

It was the exact same fear that had her so deep in denial about how Chloe made her feel that it took her almost a year to work up the courage to say something. And then she blew it.

Beca sighed, looking around her silent apartment. She could see all the spaces Chloe had filled up, making Beca’s home _their_ home; she distinctly remembered coming home from work and seeing the purple throw on her couch and the new kitchen appliances and the additions to her shower caddy and thinking it was weird to have new things in her apartment that she hadn’t bought. But never once those changes felt unwelcomed. On the contrary, they felt like natural additions to Beca’s life, to the life she had come to share with Chloe.

She also remembered how scared Chloe had looked on their first night at the apartment.

_“I have no idea who I am right now, you know? Everyone seems to have their lives figured out by the time they’re twenty-seven and I just… don’t? I don’t know.”_

If Beca hadn’t been so caught up in her own shit she would have realized sooner Chloe was just scared as she was. And then she wouldn’t have been an absolute dipshit of a person and poured her heart out at the most inconvenient of moments.

Grumbling, Beca went into the kitchen to grab herself one of the beers she hid from Amy then made her way to the balcony, all bundled up against the biting December cold, where she sat on one of the patio chairs Chloe insisted they bought for ‘when it’s really nice outside, Becs’ and Beca had been unable to resist those sparkling, puppy-dog eyes. From there, she could hear the faint sounds coming from the roof party and hopefully would see some fireworks from somewhere close — she desperately hoped it wasn’t from the party, she didn’t trust Amy around explosive devices.

There _was_ a countdown happening upstairs, though, Beca could distinctly hear Amy drunkenly bellowing the seconds and heaved a sigh, watching her breath mist the air in front of her. This was so not how she thought her year was going to end. It was weird when she stopped to think that, with everything that happened in her life throughout the year, she was ending it pretty much the same way she did last year.

Beca didn’t know if that was a good or a bad sign.

As the countdown finally hit midnight, fireworks started popping from various rooftops — including hers, Beca noted worriedly — and she drained the last of her beer, absentmindedly watching all the colors bursting through the skies.

“Happy New Year, Beca,” she muttered to herself, mouth twisting at how lonely she sounded.

That definitely wasn’t a good sign.

It was late but Beca wasn’t tired, so she decided to stay up for Bella’s 1 o’clock feeding, letting Stacie sleep that one out. She went inside, grabbing another beer before she sat on the couch and turned on the TV. She settled on a channel that was showcasing a marathon of Cheers’ holiday episodes, smiling sadly as she remembered Chloe’s first night with her.

_“Things were easier back then,”_ Chloe’s words echoed in her mind. _“I guess I just… got scared at some point in my life? Afraid to go out and face the world for what it actually is.”_

What both Beca and Chloe had failed to realize was that Chloe had always been scared — much more than Beca in some ways. And Beca wished, more than anything, that Chloe would give her a chance to help her through her fears. If there was one thing she was confident of, was that they could work through them, as long as they were together.

There was a knock on her door, rousing Beca from her introspective state. Assuming it was either Emily or Jesse asking if they could crash there instead of going home — she had offered but they hadn’t actually taken her up on it — she got up, her breath hitching when she saw that it wasn’t either one of her friends on the other side of the door.

It was Chloe.

“Hey,” she said as Beca remained frozen, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, her heart beating wildly against her breastbone.

Was Chloe really here? Was she real or had Beca accidentally fallen asleep on the couch and was just having a lifelike dream?

“May I come in?” Chloe asked in a timid voice, a sheepish look on her face.

Beca had to blink a couple of times to make sure she wouldn’t vanish if she turned her back.

“Uh, yeah,” she croaked out, managing to get her fish-out-of-water act under control. “Dude, don’t you have a key? You could have just come in.”

“I know,” Chloe said, making her way to the living room. “But I wanted to give you the opportunity to close the door on my face if you didn’t want to see me.”

Beca snorted, the unflattering sound causing Chloe to giggle. 

“Yeah,” she said, grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge before she went to join Chloe on the couch. “Like that would have happened.”

Beca handed one of the bottles to Chloe, opening hers and taking a big swig to try and ward off her nerves. This wasn’t what she had expected from her night and she was more than a little curious to see where it was going to go.

“Thanks,” Chloe smiled at her again but didn’t open her bottle, choosing instead to fiddle with its label. “Where is everybody?”

“Up on the roof,” Beca said. “CR and Amy organized a New Year’s party. It’s just me, Stacie, and Bella down here.”

_“Bella,”_ Chloe’s tone was full of emotion, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

It was a feeling Beca could relate to; they had both been deeply involved in Stacie’s pregnancy, spending hours upon hours painting the nursery, taking Stacie to her appointments and classes, doing some late-night tipsy shopping, competing to see who could find more cute onesies to spoil the baby with. The fact Chloe hadn’t been there for the first couple of weeks of Bella’s life deeply saddened Beca.

“Yeah,” Beca smiled. “She looks just like Stace too.”

Silence fell upon them, the only source of light and sound coming from the TV. Beca took another swig of her beer, her mind running a mile a minute, trying to think of other things to say to fill in the silence. Or maybe she shouldn’t say anything? But then wouldn’t it be too awkward? She needed to know why Chloe was here. What if she had come to get her things to go back to Long Island? What if she came to tell Beca that she didn’t feel anything for her? What if—

“Beca? Are you okay?”

It was only then that Beca noticed her breathing was shallow, heart pumping in her ears and eyes wide.

“Beca?” Chloe was looking at her, eyes full of worry, and Beca willed herself to start breathing normally again.

“Yeah,” she lied, finishing up her beer in another big gulp. “Just thinking.”

“I did a lot of thinking myself, these past few weeks,” Chloe said and Beca felt her spine go rigid.

This was it. This was when Chloe was going to break her heart all over again, just as the new year was beginning. Beca needed to keep it together.

“Yeah?” she feigned aloofness. “About what?”

“You,” Beca was surprised by her candid admittance. “And me. I went back home.”

Beca knew that because her father had texted her asking why Chloe was back in Long Island for Christmas and not with her in New York.

“Dad said you caused quite a commotion at Tom’s party,” it had actually been Elizabeth who told Beca about Chloe’s appearance at the Montgomery annual Christmas Ball, cryptically saying something about it being a cleansing experience.

“Yeah,” Chloe let out a humorless laugh. “I needed to go and face some things.”

“Like what?”

Chloe took a deep breath and, even in the dimly-lit living room, Beca could see the resolution on her face.

“I needed to face my fears,” Chloe said. “It took me a while to realize, but my whole life, I’ve been afraid. Of changes, of what people really thought of me, anything that pushed me out of my comfort zone. Well, out of the prim and proper zone my parents established for me. I got really good at playing by their rules, pretending everything was fine when, sometimes, it really wasn’t. All because I was scared.”

“Scared of what?” Beca questioned softly, unconsciously reaching out to hold Chloe’s hands.

“Everything?” Chloe shrugged with a sad smile. “I’ve always felt crippled by this paralyzing fear of what would happen if I made any bad decisions so I always allowed others to make them for me. That way I wouldn’t have to shoulder all the consequences.”

It made sense with what Beca had seen of Chloe throughout the years; always following around, the picture-perfect of society’s straight-laced, girl-next-door with her perfectly-styled hair, dresses, and small, appeasing smiles, much different from Beca’s spiky piercings and smirks. Even then, she had managed to take Beca’s breath away with the little vibrant details of personality she could see through Chloe’s cracks.

Of course, nothing compared to how much everything changed for Beca once she got to see Chloe completely, away from all the unspoken societal rules that had been keeping a tight hold on her for so long. It had been beautiful to see Chloe flourish, growing into the person Beca knew she could be all along.

“What made you decide to go?”

“You did,” Chloe said, surprising Beca once again. What? “You were never like that, Bec. You were never like me or Aubrey or even Stacie. You were always your own person and I’ve admired that for so long.”

“That doesn’t mean I was never scared,” Beca argued. “The world’s a scary place, Chlo.”

“I know,” Chloe’s smile had lost a bit of its sadness and it was honestly a relief to Beca. “But being with you, living here... you don’t let me be scared, Beca. Well, you do, but you also show me that it’s okay to be scared while moving forward. I don’t have to be stuck in one place my whole life because change is a scary thing. I can move on, as long as I have the right people along with me to help with my fears.”

Beca thought it was all wrong; _Chloe_ had been the one helping her all last year, how could she have done the same for her without even noticing?

“And the place I’m scared the most to go to now is a place where you won’t be there with me.”

“What?” Beca asked dumbly, unable to properly process Chloe’s words.

“I’m still scared,” Chloe admitted, tightening her hold on Beca’s hands. “But that doesn’t seem like such a big deal when I think about you. You, being there with me, wherever that is. I just… I want to be with you. If you still want me, that is.”

Beca knew they had more to talk about; they had to figure out how everything was going to work if they should remain roommates, what kind of relationship they wanted to pursue now that feelings were out in the open. But there was something Beca had been dying to do for _months_ and she just couldn’t wait any longer. They could talk more tomorrow.

“Get up,” she said, getting up herself and tugging their interlaced hands to get Chloe to do the same.

“What?”

“Get up!” she said with more urgency and Chloe scrambled up to her feet until they were face-to-face.

“Becs, what is it?” Chloe asked, worry clear in her eyes.

“I love you,” she breathed out, a smile growing on her face as she watched Chloe melt at her words. “And there’s no way in hell I’m letting you go again, dude.”

Then, _finally,_ Beca leaned in to kiss Chloe the way she had wanted all along; pouring her heart and soul into it, running one hand up her neck to tangle into her soft, red curls and having the other travel down her back and settle on her waist so she could pull her impossibly closer.

It was better than she could have ever imagined.

And it only got better when Chloe framed Beca’s face in her hands and kissed her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you to Andy for being the best beta ever even at the times when all he wanted to do was to nap; and to driving school for being so boring, therefore, the perfect place to write!
> 
> If you want, this fic has a playlist that inspired this story a lot.
> 
> Also, you can find me on tumblr and twitter. Don’t forget to let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me @snowonebutyou on tumblr and twitter!


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